Tuesday, September 1, 2009
When I was in Girl Scouts there was a song we sang every week:
“Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
And the other is gold.”
But is it the same for love? What if you were used to dating a certain type of man or woman and all of a sudden your eyes were opened to something new. A couple of weeks ago I watched the movie, “Something New.” No matter how many times I watch it I fall more in love with it. It also showed me things that we deal with in society about how people are indirectly prejudice. They would prefer to date a black man as Sanaa Lathan stated in the movie but your king could be standing right in front of you and could be of another race. Would you turn your head the other direction and keep looking for something that you think is good for you but may not.
I also had a discussion with a dear friend of mine (male) that has a list/criteria for his future wife as Sanaa’s character (Kenya) did in the movie. I understand that we all have a hidden list but something you may miss out if your list gets a little too long. I’m not saying settle but what if your future wife in his case has a master’s degree but not from a particular school as my friend stated. Would he still turn the cheek and keep finding the woman of his dreams with a particular education?
I used to be that woman with the criteria and a laundry list of do’s and don’ts. One of my preferences on my list was dating or marrying a brother (black man). As life has unfolded my list is getting shorter. Okay so I will date someone 5’10” instead of the 6’ feet and over rule now, or someone who doesn’t have a masters like me or a man who is not a 9-5 guy but a hard working man.
Living in Dallas made me open my eyes as I met a couple of guys that I would never think I had anything in common with because I was coming off as a Kenya McQueen from the movie. As I got to know them I liked what I experienced. It was something new for me and a few of my friends as we get older really want at the end of the day a good man. Someone who takes care of his household, spiritual, knows who God (or your specific creator) is and what He has done for him, goals, dreams, ambitions and loves his family. Not a lot to ask for. But notice how race wasn’t in there, height (even though I still love them tall), or a 9-5 person.
I discovered that spirits need to connect and sometimes you may have a 9-5 job and he doesn’t (vice versa), nor he or she might not have graduated from an Ivy League school (so what), but ask yourself as Heavy D did in a song back in the day, “Is it good to you?”
Do you get that feeling that you can tear down the walls and truly be the person you are around this person? No hiding or making yourself into something you’re not because of fear that he or she will break out. Can you look them in the eye and say to yourself, “Okay so what he is an inch shorter than me…I love him so much and I’m blessed to have him.” Do you care about going out and when people ask you what he does for a living and you answer, “He’s a professional landscaper (landscape architect) that loves planting flowers.” Also are you willing to take that step out your box and date outside of your race?
I’m bringing this up because as I said I had a wakeup call before I left Dallas, TX. The man has it going on, no he’s not a 9-5 cat and he absolutely loves what he does. I told him he is deserving of a woman that will love what he does as well as his talents will mesmerize anyone. Really open and what I truly appreciate about him is that he laid it all out on the table. Everything…good and bad. I told him I truly respect him because not every man nor woman will put themselves completely out there. In other words he is giving you the choice to see him naked and you gotta love that about him. At least I do.
So we are great friends, but I thank him for opening up my eyes. One never knows where something new will come from and when it does be open to accept it because you may ask God for that good woman or man and He will give them to you. But if your eyes are closed then you may miss the gift because he/she may be of a different race and may not fit your long lengthy list of criteria. Are you going to be like Kenya McQueen in the move (played by Sanaa Lathan) and go after her heart (Brian) played by Simon Baker and love or do what she could have done…date a guy (played by Blair Underwood) because he fits your whole list but you don’t have one ounce of connectivity.
Something new to think about…