Growing up I always felt as if there was a half of me missing. My Mom struggled to raise me on her own with the help of my Grandparents. My Papa was the man in my life and even though he's gone his memories and teachings are still with me. However I always felt like a piece of me was missing. I also knew that my father had other children besides me.
We were all disconnected from one another. At the time I didn't understand why he was absent and never recognized me but as I grew older I began to know why. His addictions and self destruction would have gotten the best of me and I was happy to hear that at the end of his life he did turn it around by teaching other younger brother and sisters how to love themselves and not the bottle or drugs.
I heard the many stories from friends of his and even one who said she was thankful that he impacted her life. She stopped drinking and taking drugs after working with him.
But unfortunately I never got a chance to meet him as he passed away in March of 2000. But God opened the doors to my sisters. One in particular.
Shavonn is one of my baby sisters. Yes she is going to be 28, but she is so far his youngest child and I'm even protective of her. We instantly bonded in June 2000 when I met her on Fathers Day weekend. When I looked in her eyes I felt like I was looking into a mirror. We favor each other a lot.
This past holiday we spent a lot of time in the city and took a trip down to Coney Island. It was frigid but we went to the beach on a mission and openly prayed by the ocean. As the moon cast down on us I looked over as I was bent down by the shore and saw her crying. I felt her trials, struggles and tribulations coming to an end as the tears streamed down her face.
After all these years God brought us together and we prayed together. I never got a chance to hold her in my arms and stroke her hair when she was younger. When I went to hug her she embraced me. I told her how beautiful she was and I was so blessed that God opened up the doors to my Dad's side and there she was, ready with open arms.
She cried harder and I embraced her as I felt her pain and she felt mine. On Monday, December 29th, 2008 we left all ill feelings, anguish, sadness and any hatred we had on that beach by the ocean. I forgave people, a couple in particular and now I finally feel totally free.
We walked back to the F train, and giggled as sisters do when we realized that we never had that moment together. I felt drained as a good cry will do to a person but relieved because all that hurt me was over and my sister could look back and learn from her life lessons and begin to live a fruitful life.
My sister's love is so strong even though I didn't have her in my life for 25 years. I prayed for those doors to the Hayes side to be opened and when they did I look back and never regret one moment. Prayer is so powerful and a sister or brothers love when genuine is so strong.