Saturday, January 3, 2009

Sister's Love After Years of Not Knowing Her

Growing up I always felt as if there was a half of me missing. My Mom struggled to raise me on her own with the help of my Grandparents. My Papa was the man in my life and even though he's gone his memories and teachings are still with me. However I always felt like a piece of me was missing. I also knew that my father had other children besides me.

We were all disconnected from one another. At the time I didn't understand why he was absent and never recognized me but as I grew older I began to know why. His addictions and self destruction would have gotten the best of me and I was happy to hear that at the end of his life he did turn it around by teaching other younger brother and sisters how to love themselves and not the bottle or drugs.

I heard the many stories from friends of his and even one who said she was thankful that he impacted her life. She stopped drinking and taking drugs after working with him.

But unfortunately I never got a chance to meet him as he passed away in March of 2000. But God opened the doors to my sisters. One in particular.

Shavonn is one of my baby sisters. Yes she is going to be 28, but she is so far his youngest child and I'm even protective of her. We instantly bonded in June 2000 when I met her on Fathers Day weekend. When I looked in her eyes I felt like I was looking into a mirror. We favor each other a lot.

This past holiday we spent a lot of time in the city and took a trip down to Coney Island. It was frigid but we went to the beach on a mission and openly prayed by the ocean. As the moon cast down on us I looked over as I was bent down by the shore and saw her crying. I felt her trials, struggles and tribulations coming to an end as the tears streamed down her face.

After all these years God brought us together and we prayed together. I never got a chance to hold her in my arms and stroke her hair when she was younger. When I went to hug her she embraced me. I told her how beautiful she was and I was so blessed that God opened up the doors to my Dad's side and there she was, ready with open arms.

She cried harder and I embraced her as I felt her pain and she felt mine. On Monday, December 29th, 2008 we left all ill feelings, anguish, sadness and any hatred we had on that beach by the ocean. I forgave people, a couple in particular and now I finally feel totally free.

We walked back to the F train, and giggled as sisters do when we realized that we never had that moment together. I felt drained as a good cry will do to a person but relieved because all that hurt me was over and my sister could look back and learn from her life lessons and begin to live a fruitful life.

My sister's love is so strong even though I didn't have her in my life for 25 years. I prayed for those doors to the Hayes side to be opened and when they did I look back and never regret one moment. Prayer is so powerful and a sister or brothers love when genuine is so strong.


Brooke said...

Wow, what a powerful read! You felt her life force, even when she wasn't! I can't imagine my life without my sister, so I can only imagine the joy you both felt upon discovering each other. Thank God for that blessing! The future holds nothing but great things for you both :-) Take great care of each other!

Serena W. said...

I feel blessed! We have an older sister but she didn't really embrace us and although it was hard at first we looked at each other and were thankful for one another. I did feel her and my other siblings, we have a brother we don't know yet but he will walk into our lives when it's God's time. I will take care of her and she has taken care of me in ways she doesn't recognize :)

Tanya said...

That is a wonderful share. Thanks. Families are all interesting and we aren't always perfectly fit together...but when it needs to come always does. Sisterhood is intense...and hold on and support each other. I appreciate what you shared as I have a younger sister...that only because of my persistence we have remained in contact. My father passed in 1994 when my sister was only 2 yrs old and I had to fight (figuratively and otherwise) to stay connected to her. Now as she has just turned 17 we have an amazing bond...we don't see each other every day but she knows that we are family and that she can always depend on me. Take good care of you and your sister...

Much Luv!!

Serena W. said...

Oh wow Tanya thank you for sharing your story as well. I always tell people Shavonn is my sister...I don't believe in this half business even though people have referred to her as my half. But your sibling is your sibling no matter what (no half involved :).

I will stay connected and I'm sure we'll have many moments that I'll be sharing with everyone. Stay connected to yours as well. We have another sister by our Dad and she is older but chose to not embrace us. So we know she's out there but can't hold onto something that doesn't want to be held. Maybe one day she'll come back around. But I'm grateful for what God delivered me in sis.