Pain

As I read the story of Paul and how he had a thorn in his side and was always in pain it reminded me of the aches I feel at times in my heart about Mom being gone. I wrote this a couple of weeks ago on a rainy afternoon. Be blessed and know that we all go through pain, but pray as I am that God will heal it in His time. He will shower down on me and my family as Earnest Pugh sings in his song. Peace.

Pain

Healing relieves me of pain
But makes more room for more
Empty space begins to fill with feelings of breathing easy, less crying and hopes of nothing else trying
Happening to me
It seems as though when the pain of a loved ones death, broken relationship, hateful job has subsided
The devil gives you more
Nights are suddenly occupied again with misty eyes, palpitating heart and no rest
Managing the loss of my sister I thought would never come
2.5 years later now my mother is gone
Like an open wound that never healed right
Reopened as it hurts like never before
I never thought I would be a motherless child physically
So soon
Down one sister, father, papa and now mama
God I don't know how much more I can take
Please forsake me if I've ever done anything to you to make me go through this
I thought it was the devil as I felt the pain in my side like the story of Paul
Not understanding why you took my Iya so soon
Reliving everything I've done wrong to see why I'm being punished
I'm not a bad person
Pastor told me the thorn you feel is keeping you humble, the greater the pain the bigger your anointing that God will bless you
Shaking my head as I steadily wipe the constant stream of tears from my face
Why me God...why us
Family going nuts because now Mom has left us
Praying for more healing, as the minutes, hours, days and now weeks go by
Dreaming about Mom at night hoping when I wake up its all a lie
That she will call and say, "Baby I'm home."
Alas when I pick up the phone I hear the message that the phone is now disconnected
God give me understanding, knowing that in the end this will all make sense
For now I have to come to grips
With Mama's death
Healing relieves pain
Sometimes it makes room for more
Standing on my faith
Asking God for strength
Everlasting guidance since He gave me my own personal guardian angel
Leaning into your spiritual arms Mama
Missing you
Praying that my healing comes and pain will be subdued
Hoping in time it will be easier to manage
The pain of losing you...

Written By: Serena Wills

March.23.10

Rainy day