Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Silent Tears

I never posted this poem on my blog. Mom reassured me that I was going to be okay even though I silently cried at her bedside. There are nights and days where the tears just flow and you know what...I let them because it's cleansing my soul. Dedicated to those who have silent tears and have been to the place I've been. The painting is by my friend Soukaa, an artist out of Dallas, TX.

Silent tears
Streak my face
Creating a puddle of water in my lap
Deep breaths as I let out shrieks of pain
Grieving untamed
Falling to my knees
Screaming please
Come back to me
Alas in the stillness of the night
Begging and pleading
Reasoning with God
I tried to tell Him
"We had plans my man and now my mother has been taken away from me."
Shoulders hunched over
Arms wrapped around my stomach
Releasing my mourning and aches that are trapped within
Mourning over Mama
Thought she would make it
Instead God turned the clock forward
Minutes passed by and moments are unclear
Surreal that she's gone
Phone silent
No more ringing in the middle of the night
Ever since my mother walked into the light
Thinking back to the day
When she smiled at me to say
"I love you and you'll be okay"
Not comprehending
Riddles she made
But as I pieced everything together I finally was aware
She was preparing me
Always a mother even after the last breath
Worried about my family
Reassuring her we'll keep each other lifted as God covers us like a blanket on a cold winter day
Fast forward to now
Visions of your smile
Dancing in heavens clouds
Brings joy to my saddened heart
Comforted by your spiritual presence that surrounds me day in and day out
Even the times when I shout
"Mama where are you!"
I'm reminded as I feel a gentle touch that rubs my back
And a whisper...I'm right here baby girl
Mama you will always be with me
And I will be with you too
My sorrow is raw
Emotions crashing like waves against a mountains wall
Rescue me from this grief
Send me a sign
That you're thinking of me too
Figuring out my next steps and what God has ordered for me to do
Except the only thing missing physically is you
Gazing into the dark night
Blurred vision from tears
Praying to God to heal my family and me too
Sending a message to you
Through prayers and thoughts
Mom I love you
Honored that God chose me to be birthed through you
One courageous, bold, voicetrous and loving woman
Your legacy will be kept alive and promises I made to you will be kept
Loving you...always...dear mama
Silent tears fall as I grieve

Ase to you...

Copyright Serena Wills 2010


Josie Hymes said...

Hi Serena,
This is beautiful and so heartwrenching that I cried while reading it. My tears was for your mom's peace and wholeness, so they were tears of joy. My tears for you were for the loss and pain of having her not with you. I know that Mother's Day was probably filled with sadness, but each day afterwards should be filled with celebration of her life. My mother is still with me and as you can see on my blog, I feel blessed to go through this journey with her. My prayer is for your void to be filled with memories and God's love so that your smile will overshadow your tears.
Josie Hymes (Norma's friend)

Serena W. said...

God bless you Josie and thank you for your comment.

Mother's day was hard and this week for me is harder as Mom's birthday is Thursday.

So many "firsts" already but through prayer and talking I'm getting through day by day.

Cherish your parents as I see you do already because they are on "loan" to us.

Keep writing and tell Norma hello for me.