Runway to Heaven

This poem just wouldn't come out of my system until today. I wanted to write it after my dear friend Dom passed away back in January but yet another poem was birthed. I'm so glad that I'm writing again and that this piece has been birthed. Runway to Heaven will be in my second poetry book titled, "Crying Tears of Teal" which will be released in 2014. Stay tuned and enjoy this poem.

Runway to Heaven

Heaven and earth sing

As our ancestors ring

The bells as they chime to alert of someone new approaching the gates

As I day dreamed

I looked up to the clouds

Settling over the city lights

Hearing the thunder claps loudly

From a distance

As dusk falls

With colors of purple and pink galore

Forming straight lines through the sky

Like a runway to heaven

A cloud shaped like the formation of a huge hand

I would like to think

God’s hands were coming down

For the first time my eyes witnessed

No separation of my world and heaven

Began envisioning the runway to this place of paradise

A place where people are no longer in pain or suffering

In the land of milk and honey

Where the grass is always green

The birds are always singing

And people love each other unconditionally

Despite the beauty of paradise

I know that my loved ones are always around me

Whether I feel a breeze in my home

Smell the scent of my daddy’s oil

Or the facial expression of my mother crosses my son’s face as he smiles at me

It might be a leaf from my peace lily perks up

Sometimes when I’m reading scripture the page will turn on its own letting me know my grandma Verma is close by

I’m reminded every day that although they are gone physically that the runway to heaven isn’t far

As they descend on earth from time to time to see what’s happening

Protecting us constantly

Guiding us to a better life as they assist God our father with healing, loving and just being

I envision the runway to heaven full of light

Bells chiming

And those huge hands I saw in the clouds

Leading them to paradise

Heaven isn’t far

If you believe

Close your eyes and envision a place of peace and love

A place that I know I will end up in the distant future when it’s my time to go to paradise

Written By:

Serena T. Wills

Copyright 2013

All Rights Are Reserved

Burying the Past

 

Burying the Past

Six feet deep in my soul

Like a coffin in the ground

Laid to rest my emotions, fears and broken promises

Of my past

Change had to come soon

I would never be able to move forward

With anyone...not even myself

Until I buried the past and left it behind

Expunging the dirt, grit and grime

From things done to me in past time

Forgiveness is key in burying what you don't want to relive

Relieving the spirit from burden and pain

As it melted away all that is dark inside

Turned into light

Making room for new memories and a fresh start

Pieces of my past have tried to revisit

Reminding me

Of what or how I once felt

Tempting at times to go back

Building inner strength to leave it all behind

Learn from it

Break away from it

Sometimes the past is a substance abuse, past love, sickness and pain

In my case past relationships that went awry, a father that never acknowledged me, a mother who died and I felt I could have done more...wishing she did more for her own health

Forgiving all of them did something I never knew could or would happen

Walls that I couldn't get around or climb

Crumbled like the Jericho Walls

Heart was lightened and I'm ready to love once more

Reflections of my father when I look in the mirror now make me smile

Letting Mommy know that it's okay that you're gone, now you're whole eternally

I never knew that burying and leaving my past would help me strive

One victorious stride

As I let the past die

And be buried six feet under

Written By:

Serena Wills

(I think the original was done in 2007 or so and I revised it today). Peace and blessings.

Copyright Serena Wills 2013

All Rights are Reserved

Living Life 155%

Dedicated to all those who are healing from an illness and cancer survivors! You can do it!

Living Life 155%

I run

Walk

Sky Dive

Parasail

Bike Ride

Mountain Climb

Advocate for my friends with cancer that are trying to stay alive

I’m a…

Mother, Lover

Wife, Sister

Writer, Leader

And you ask me how do I do all of this in my life????

No longer think too much as I take chances and risks

For those that live life too cautiously I wave my finger and say, “tisk, tisk, tisk.”

I live life 155%

100% isn’t good enough for me

Once I became free I promised to live life naturally

Living every moment as if it’s my last

Traveling from place to place, city to city and yet you still ask

“How does one find the energy?”

It’s very simple…you see…

Just 2 years ago I was given 6 months to live

I thought I gave everything I could give

But it wasn’t enough…the doctors were about to give up

I vowed if I made it

To live my life wholly

Making my dream checklist I gave myself a “D” day

My “D” stood for destiny!!!

“D” stood for discharge and determination!

So once I was “discharged” from the hospital after it was said I would die I checked that off

Then I was “determined” to restart my life over and it was a must

Got rid of all those non-believers, doubters and pure haters

Those that stood the test of time in my darkest moments were my circle for life

Fighting to get my life back I went after my “destiny”

Every day I check off something from my long check list

And every day I add more to it

I’m living life like my girl Jill Scott as its Golden

Living Life 155%

If for some reason you dare resent how I live

Then you can see yourself to the door

And if anything your stupid doubts gave me more

Fuel to my fire

Added desire as I live out my life

Until God calls me home

Copyright (c) Serena Wills 2013

 All Rights Are Reserved

Shirt can be purchased at http://anothermotherrunner.com/store/tees/ (a great group of folks that I found online...support the mission)!

 

Mourning Blues

Dedicated to my friend...my brother Dom Celanges, January 26, 1970-January 9, 2013. Rest in peace my brother.

"Mourning Blues"

I talked until I was breathless

With friends late last night

Reminiscing on times and when all once felt painless

Laughing about good times shared and what you always seemed to call "your side of the story" and
that sense of humor

But yet it's all a mystery

As to what went wrong

I will always remember you for your bright smile, kind heart, chocolate complexion and your grey hair that showed off your everlasting wisdom

One of the greatest men that I've crossed paths with in my generation

Yet you're gone

And we are all undone

Unwrapped emotionally

Sulking and crying as we mourn

The loss of a fallen great one

What I wouldn't do to hear your voice one more time

Wishing I reached out more

I will always ask why...

Why are you gone and so soon

We had so much to do

Life to live...but now I'm singing the mourning blues

Never forgotten my friend...my brother

Knowing deep in my heart God has opened His arms, made you whole and said to you,
"Son...welcome home."

Dom we love you always...as we say in the West African Tradition Ase...Ase...Ase (honoring our ancestors)

Eye of the Storm

(I wrote this back in October, this has been a season but it is getting better)

This weekend I cried
Storms of tears streamed down my face as I lied
In a paramedics truck shaking and whimpering
Scared to death that the demons that took over my body were laughing
At what they thought was my demise
My health was stripped day by day
And everytime I woke I laid
In a state of mental, emotional and sometime physical paralysis
Almost giving up in the midst of the hurricane going on within my body
Strangely enough when I thought my body was mending
Sudden relapse occurred as if waves were crashing
Back and forth in my system
Palpitations as my heart was racing
Hot flashes as if I was menopausal or PMSing
Infection in my chest, lungs and body was winning
Medication after medication had me jumping
Out of my skin
Tremors like an earthquake within
I almost lost focus on Him
While others were prepping for Sandy
I was praying for healing so I could be
Back to my natural state of upbeat vitality
Closing my eyes in the ER yet again I had a visit from Mommy
She appeared on my right side and said softly, "I won't dare let you die, I birthed you and pray for a renewed you."
Ayana my sister came to her side and said, "Big sis, heal and be one again, live your dreams and cut out the stress whether its people, places or things.."
Before I could fix my mouth to say a word
They were gone
I awakened to all of my levels being normal
Free to go home
Day by day
Hour by hour
Minute by minute
I'm thankful that God is piecing me back together as I broke during the storm
Remolded in His eyes I have a new focus
And I'm killing the stress in my life!
The eye of the storm could have destroyed me
But I have to much to live for and will give thanks to my Father daily
Thank you God for keeping me
Using your hands to mold me into a divine figure to reflect thee
It's now time to clean up the aftermath
Head down a different path
Filled with love, dreams and all
Focus on Him in your storm
I was too worried about getting blown away in the winds
But after a while I refocused and laid my eyes on Him
Thank you God, Christ, my ancestors (Ase) and to my renewed life

Peace and blessings everyone

Written By:

Serena Wills
October 29th, 2012

(During Hurrican Sandy...my prayers go out to all of those that suffered and were in her path).

Worry

(This was written a while ago as I was at a wall in my life) enjoy and be blessed.

Worry

Mom once told me to not worry too much
But I can't help it as bills pile up
Wanting to be the best mom while balancing my passion and work
It gets to me God, scared that I'm a paycheck from being on the street
Not wanting to give in to defeat
Trying to make sure there is food on the table for us to eat
Day by day I worry
Praying that you don't see my faith as weary
Blessings of a job came
I'm steadily trying to maintain
With a crazy pay cut I still remain faithful
One woman told me I had luck
Smiling to myself knowing it was deeper than the roll of dice
Despite my worry I know deep in my heart my luck was divine and precise
Remaining faithful I know that my job was a gift from you
So why do I still worry?
I guess it's because I'm humanly
Mold me to have faith like you
Don't stop instilling in me your continuous guidance that will see me through and through
Worry is fear and fear is worry
Praying it won't destroy my mental capacity
Peel the layers of devastation, fear, worry, pain and brokeness from me
Allow me to be the best that I can be
Strip this demonistic madness
So I can worry less
And focus
More on you
On my son
And the dreams I have so they can become true
Please be patient with me
God, don't give up
While I face this wall called...worry

Written By:

Serena Wills

September 24, 2012

Copyright (c) Serena Wills
All Rights Reserved

Failure Isn't Final!

I heard an empowering and moving word on Sunday, August 26th at my church home. My Pastors (I have two Pastors) were on vacation but would be happy to know that Rev. Harold Hayes took care of their flock with his amazing message. The sermon title was, "Failure Is Not Final."

His sermon title hit home for me in one area of my life. I had been dwelling on something for years and even before my mother's transition she told me, "You're not a failure."

I was going to write about what I felt earlier in the week but I'm glad I didn't because I heard one of my favorite gospel artists on the radio talk about her struggles. Vicki Yohe was on the Cory Condrey show and she said how her publicist told her, "You're too transparent, you need to be more private about your life and what you have gone through."

She said, "I can't do that, people need to know what I've been through so they know that it's not just them. That folks like me have struggles too."

I feel like her and some people have made comments about my transparency but I can't help it. I don't put everything out there but what I feel needs to be brought to light so others can relate and know they are not alone. When I do spoken word I talk to the crowd in between pieces so they know what I was thinking...going through and what brought me to writing about that subject. When someone thanks me I know that my ministry (which is my writing) has taken effect.

I have felt like I've been a failure in the relationship department. Relationship after relationship I felt like I failed. Several people have told me I haven't but until I know I haven't that is how I'm going to feel.

The word that Sunday struck me because Rev. Hayes said, "FAILURE IS NOT FINAL." Buckets of tears streamed down my face and when I saw people flocking to the alter because they wanted to be released of that feeling of being a failure I knew I wasn't alone. I too went to the alter and got on my knees and just let it out. All of the emotions over the years was being expunged from my spirit.

The one thing I tell people is that I have to take time and reflect on me...yes me. What can I do so I won't feel like this any more and I need to heal over the years of pain and hurt in order for God to send that individual to me that will be my husband and I to him.

Rev. Hayes said, "Failure is a refining process...it's like the passage about the potter. He could have used a different piece of clay but he kept reshaping and remolding the same piece."

I am that piece of clay, yes I have cracks in me and needed at many times to be remolded. I was that shattered jar at one point of time but instead of feeling destroyed years ago through emotions and ill mental thoughts of a broken relationship God reshaped me and has kept His hands on me ever since.

I had to share this because I walked out of church feeling a sense of renewal. I still have work to do and need to totally believe that I'm not a failure...but I know that I'm being refined, reshaped and molded like the lump of clay on a potter's wheel and in time I will be able to look back and reflect on what I thought was a failure and note it as a process that God put me through.

Not only am I being refined but I'm learning to listen to Him even more so I won't make the same mistakes again.

May peace be with you and I hope someone can learn from my story and look within and be honest with themselves so they too know that they are being refined and are not failures.