Being a writer to me also means being transparent in a lot of ways. I feel as if God wants me to write to release my creativity to the world but also in some shape or form to help heal people and let people know that its not just them that feel the way they do.
These past few months have been a total blessing with the birth of my son but it has had its challenges as well. Patience was truly needed as I suffered a job loss that caused me to really become even more humble than ever. I'm a pretty sincere and humble human being but when I was told back in early spring that my organization was being taken over by another and 24 of us (1/3 of the staff) were being laid off and I being one of them; I began to pray heavily.
I asked God, "Please keep my heart light and mind sane since I'm carrying one of your angels. Its easy to get derailed off the track these days." I knew times would get financially tough and that they did.
I hit rock bottom, not knowing where money would come from to even pay rent because I anticipated having a job by mid October. I almost lost hope. However between waking up to my son and having beautiful people in my life...God kept me. He provided my needs. He showed me things in people that I didn't want to see so I knew who was in my corner, who loved me despite my circumstances and who to keep away.
When you hit rock bottom sometimes ugliness will rear its head. Backs were turned on me and I even felt like a charity case at one point.
If my brother or sister fell down I wouldn't want to kick them even further down or walk all over them. I was judged and ridiculed. I realized that I needed to pray for those that turned on me and to forgive. I asked God to not punish but to heal them.
Prayer and patience paid off. Being unemployed gave me more time to bond with my son. I will never regret having spent several months at home. I've been able to refocus and shift my priorities and emotions during the time of stillness. I spoke to family and friends more (on the phone and in person) and we breathed life into each others dreams! The power of fellowship is very real.
I want the best for my son and during this time I realized that I was (and still am) hurting from things that happened to me in life. I want to heal. Its time for the broken pieces to be put back together.
God gave me this time. One day I walked along the river front and told God that I wouldn't even mind a part time job so I could still be home more with my son and work on my business ventures. I told him, "Have your way with me."
The next day (Thursday) I received a message about a potential job from the organization that took over my previous one and laid me off, by that Monday I received the offer letter. Now I'm gainfully employed. Although I still have work to do (hey I'm a work in progress) I have a road map that has been reworked. I'm looking forward to the future. I can only pray that the healing continues, that love will breathe into my spirit and soul like its never done before and that my/our dreams will blossom!
Times may be hard right now. Believe me I know. So if this piece is talking to you, just know that you will be fine in His time. Be still and refocus. Sometimes we get lost in ourselves or even in other people. What I'm doing now is focusing on God instead of the storm. A shift from my prior thinking as I used to focus on the storm and then God.
I pray to remain humble, be a reflection of Him, be a good mother and pursue my dreams with even more fire and desire! I pray that I can be an inspiration!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)