Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Early Relationships for Teens/Young Adults: When Desire Leads to Danger

Hello everyone! As you know I'm an advocate for GYN cancers and women's health. Matt Phillips that is a reader of my blog offered to guest blog. He's a young professional who has found his voice in advocating for women's health. He's currently enrolled at the University of Central Florida, enjoys writing and voicing his opinion on women's health and other issues. Please show him some love.

Early Relationships for Teens/Young Adults: When Desire Leads to Danger  by Matt Phillips

Love happens quickly for teens and young adults. Suddenly that special person becomes their reason to floss at night and eat healthier. Young couples even allow drastic changes to take over their lives. They often feel pressured to take actions because of an overwhelming desire to act mature. However, it’s dangerous to let these compromises take hold because these patterns can become the norm in a relationship and hard to break. Young adults often make hasty choices to initially satisfy their partner, not knowing these actions set the tone for the rest of the relationship.


Physical intimacy is where so many young couples get themselves in trouble. Women are usually in the position to compromise the most. Often out of low self-esteem and peer pressure, young women will succumb to their partner and give in to demands they might not be comfortable without contraception or protection.

Unfortunately, not all contraceptive choices are safe for women. Sex for these couples, especially at the early stage, is often about selfish satisfaction, and men are often willing to let their partner utilize any drug possible that will facilitate this early intimacy. An emotional bond and concern for each other’s well-being is simply absent at this stage. Unfortunately, this pressure to use unsafe forms of contraception can have serious, even fatal side effects.

Sadly, sex education in this country doesn’t do enough and rarely teaches teens about responsible physical relationships. The U.S. government’s funding goes towards abstinence-focused education; the entire teen population still engaging in sex is disregarded. This abstinence education is almost useless to these teens, as it fails to address questions and concerns they might have. Proponents of this education feel that open discussion of birth control and safe sex would legitimize the physical act. Instead, they feel more comfortable not addressing statistics, like the ever-growing rise in teen sexuality.

According to this legislation, programs receiving this funding which was extended by 5 years must "teach that abstinence from sexual activity is the only certain way to avoid out-of-wedlock pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and other associated health problems," the Department of Health and Human Services explains. However, opponents to this legislation promoting evidence-based sex education are concerned that $250 million is going to state programs that haven’t shown effectiveness.

While attempting to provide teens with the safest, most useful information, it actually might prompt more negative results associated with sex than good. With the government renewing its abstinence-focused education programs this year, unbiased information for teens still choosing to be sexually active might be absent in schools. However, this lack of information about adult sexuality is best exemplified in the most vital areas of discussion such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease. While pregnancy rates in this country have decreased in the last few years, the spread of sexually transmitted disease hasn’t. Many birth control methods, while relatively effective at preventing pregnancy, can falsely imply complete protection to all outcomes of casual sex, including sexually transmitted disease.

Instead of responsible institutions, companies out for profit have largely replaced sex education for teens, pandering to the sexually active through various forms of media. It appears these companies have found a solid market too, embracing that portion of the teen population turned away by federal legislation.

Oral contraceptive companies, especially, have been recognized as feeders of unreliable and dangerous information to teens and young women. Misconceptions about oral contraceptives are easily understood after examining the marketing done for these products. Despite these revelations about this drug manufacturer’s credibility, by far the worst side effect of this drug is the serious physical results it has on women. These hormone-altering pills lead to permanent side effects, like the possibility of infertility. An example of one is the growing number of complaints against oral contraceptives, exemplified by pending Yaz lawsuits, indicates that the short-term safety of such birth control options is far from guaranteed. Users of this particular product have seen serious, and sometimes fatal, side effects including heart attack, stroke, blood clots, pulmonary embolisms, and gallbladder disease. However, because schools either refuse to recognize or are anything but abstinence as a legitimate lifestyle, these facts are never discussed with teens.

With so little being done to educate teens and young people about responsible sexuality, it rests with parents and other role models to provide responsible lifestyle information. Emotional attachment, especially early in relationships, can lead to dangerous compromises with lasting results. However, the sooner we take the lead as role models and address those teens that need attention the most, the quicker we’ll see the resolution of dangerous national trends, like sexually transmitted disease infection and dangerous contraceptive use. Then we can let young people discover the beauty and joy of love in the safest way possible.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Let Freedom Rain

This is a piece I wrote on election night 2008. A client of mine has a 16x20 frame of this piece hanging up in her foyer to keep her inspired. Be blessed and let's stand behind our President!

Let Freedom Rain

History is HIS-STORY
God’s breath that created everything we see
Obama said you want to be on the right side of history
And be a leader by showing your people what you’ve built and not what you can destroy
Dr. King said he wants his children to live in a country
Where they are judged on the content of their character and not the complexion of their skin
Now is the time for change
No more time for affliction nor pain
Hatred has overcome our world
Blanketing miles of cities, states and nations
Time to take action
Grasping our heritage
And what love is left
Are we going to lead our children into a life of mass destruction?
Or step back and start the process of reconstruction
We have too many foes called
Demoralization, racism, classism
All alive and known to well
Babies are having babies
Dropping out of school
Unemployment lines wrapped around the corner
People were given pink slips and given the boot like they were somebody’s fool
What are we to do?
Take back our children
Learn a new trade
Start a new business, fulfill your dreams and not let them fade away
March with our fists raised in the air
Demonstrating to those worldwide that we do care
Revitalize our neighborhoods
Take the broken rocks and pebbles that represent what we’ve been through to rebuild
Our communities
Reestablish dignity
Everlasting fight for freedom
Let it rain…let freedom rain
Of debt collectors, bad financial decisions and savings down to zero
Let the rain wash all of that away as we reeducate ourselves to do better
Smoothing out the path for future generations
Rain pour on us to unite what was once divided
Nations in this together and not against one another
Free from those slave masters currently wanting to see us in fear
Terror
Torrential down pour as I watch the tsunami take place in my life
Instead of it doing damage
It has left my self esteem, internal being pure and whole
Freedom has rained on us
New leader, new vision in sight
I can see now…following his footsteps
As he is following those who came before him
The Martins, Malcolm’s, Medgar’s, Shirley’s, Harriets and all
Pour on me a freedom
An experience that I have never imagined
Freedom rain….on me

Written By
Serena T. Wills

Copyright Serena Wills 2008

Monday, November 1, 2010

Always There

Dedicated to Apa and Alexis Garay! Your union this weekend inspired me and as you both were doing the toast I wrote this piece at the wedding reception (gotta love technology). Alexis baby you did it...I've known you since I was in 4th grade and we were riding on the "Russ Bus" to our after school program to take swim classes! I'm so happy for you and may our friendship continue to flourish throughout the years. May God bless the both of you!


Always There
Waiting in the wings
Humming bird singing
Praises that I reconnected with you
Days, months and years have gone by
And I won't lie
As I tell you that I've had my eye
On what I saw as my future
Baby I would have had it no other way
As we lay
In unison tonight
I've been your future for years
Have even shed happy tears
Thinking of the night we would unite in holy matrimony
Being my inspiration
Memories glistening
Remembering our long past
God has granted permission for us to last
Many years to come
Prayers, answers and clarity have come along
Visions of you is that picture perfect song
Always there
To bare all that I've been through
You've been my friend since the days of school
Through ups and downs
The bad and the good
Knowing deep in my heart we would
Become one
I will always be there
Not a fair weather friend
I'm the divine partner God designed that will be with you until the end
Love as pure as a birds flight in the clear sky
Full moon hanging on a crisp night
Sunlight as it shines its rays
Looking forward to the many days
Journeys ahead
Of us lovingly dancing down a beautiful path
In unity

Congrats Apa and Alexis Garay

October 31st, 2010
Written at the Waldorf Astoria Towers

Monday, October 25, 2010

I Thought I Was Invincible

I wrote this story that was published on Tia's Way which is a website dedicated to Cervical Cancer you can check it out at http://www.tiasway.com/ I believe in the power of transparency to spread knowledge. Please read and spread the word.

I Thought I Was Invincible


By: Serena T. Wills

In the early part of 1995 I received a call from my gynecologist that changed my 20 year old free spirited mind. She said, “We received the results from your pap smear and it appears to be abnormal. We need you to come in for a biopsy.”

Scared I instantly cried, “Dr. G what’s wrong, why is it abnormal?”

Her comforting voice that reminded me that she was a mother said, “Honey we have to do a colposcopy exam which consists of me taking a closer look at your cervix with an electric microscope and the biopsy. Don’t be alarmed yet. I want to see you first thing in the morning. Please call your mother.”

When we got off the phone I sat on the stool at the kitchen counter of my apartment at Syracuse University. It was March 1995 and I suddenly felt like the weather which was dank and cold. Not knowing who I could talk too I followed her instruction and called my mother who lived in Queens, New York which was 5 hours south of me. Her calming voice said, “I want you to call me after the exam tomorrow, do they at least know what it is and what caused it?”

I shook my head as if she could see me, “No Ma they don’t, but I’ll get answers soon.”

By the beginning of the next week I was told that I had abnormal cells and luckily they were benign. They lied dormant because every year I had my annual appointment and they never appeared. The doctor described that some patients could be walking around with abnormal cells for years and not know it until it festers into a virus or worst case cervical cancer. Dr. G told me, “There is a procedure called a LEEP (Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure) which is a laser method that I could schedule with the oncologist that I work closely with to get the cells removed.”

Thinking of a laser in that area of my body wasn’t a pleasant thought but if I let the cells fester they could have turned cancerous. I agreed to the procedure and it was scheduled for beginning of April. Before we hung up the phone I asked, “How does one get this virus or infection that I have?”

Her response was in the form of a question, “Can I ask you a personal question? Have you had unprotected sex with your partner?”

I cried as I responded, “Yes.” I was sad because my mother raised me to use protection and now because I didn’t I was going through a procedure that would keep me out of school for a couple of days and change my life.

After I had the procedure I was told that I would feel cramping, bleeding and couldn’t have sex for 6-8 weeks which wasn’t a problem for me. I didn’t tell my friends what I had undergone until after we graduated a couple of years later because I was ashamed. But now I know that I should have advocated for safe sex and could have taught other students about it even though it didn’t have a name.

Fast forward to March 2001, exactly 7 years after my first episode I received an alarming call from my gynecologist. The abnormal cells returned but they were benign again. Dr. M said, “You have Human Papilloma Virus better known as HPV. There is no cure for HPV but it can be treated.”
HPV is passed on from one person to the next through sex or even skin to skin in certain areas of the body that is infected with HPV. In most cases the body fights off the virus and the infection goes away without treatment. But in some women the infection can last and turn into cervical cancer.

I asked him what my options were since I’ve had a procedure before. He said he needed to do a colposcopy and we can go from there. After my exam a week later and the biopsy I was told that it was a mild case and that I could the freezing method called Cryosurgery which was safer to the uterus. If I had undergone another laser procedure (LEEP) then I would need a stitch to strengthen my uterus if I ever wanted children.

The procedure was scheduled and my whole visit took about an hour. There was less cramping afterwards and I went to work the next day. Today I can say I have been free from abnormal pap smears for 9+ years. Every year I will be tested for HPV and it’s the most nerve racking thing to wait for the results also I will now have to get a sonogram every year because of my mother’s case of Ovarian cancer.

Unfortunately for my mother (Marguerite Wills) results didn’t turn out well. Mom always made sure I went to the doctor annually but didn’t do the same for herself. She even came to Syracuse, NY when I had my procedure in April 1995 to help me get back on my feet and care for me.

In August 2009 she admitted herself to the hospital after having trouble breathing and moving her bowels. She was fatigued and thought she might have had a case of walking pneumonia. The results on August 10th, 2009 changed hers and my family’s life forever. The doctor at Jamaica Hospital said she had two malignant tumors one on each ovary. She had stage 4 Ovarian cancer and it had spread to her stomach.

Mom was inoperable and her lungs were compromised from the cancerous fluid that expunged from the tumors and made its way throughout her body. The only solution left was either chemotherapy or nothing. Mom decided to do chemotherapy and battled the cancer for six months. She passed away on February 19th, 2010. Throughout her journey we learned about ovarian cancer and all gynecological cancers. They are noted as “silent and secret” cancers. Once discovered they can become fast moving. Her doctor told me that when I go to the doctor to get lab work done to have them do the CA-125 test which measures a level of protein that’s found on the surface of many ovarian cancer cells. CA stands for cancer antigen. A normal level is about 35 or so. When Mom’s CA-125 was taken it was 3,000. Also to date although researchers are close to finding a test to detect Ovarian cancer there still isn’t one in place. This was reported on CNN in June 2010.

Today I’m now an advocate for finding a test for Ovarian cancer and all gynecological cancers and better drugs to attack it once discovered. I plan on making trips to Capitol Hill to talk to representatives in congress and senators about what needs to be done so the number of deaths and those that are diagnosed with gyn cancers can begin to lower until one day there is a cure.

I wrote this article to alert women of what to do and how to take care of themselves. Even the healthiest person can get cancer but this is how we can catch it early.
1. Go to the doctor regularly. Schedule your annual visit with your gynecologist.
2. Ask for the HPV test to be done even if you don’t think you have it. I was walking around and had no idea that I had abnormal cells until they were found.
3. Monitor your CA-125 when your lab work is done. Ask for a print out of all the results.
4. Practice safe sex.
5. Go to the doctor with your partner and get tested together for any STD’s.
6. Eat healthy, stay away from a lot of cholesterol, fat, etc. Eat a lot of vegetables, pure juice (invest in a juicer).
7. If you have abnormal periods consult your doctor right away.
Statistics on HPV and Gynecological Cancers:
According to a CDC report in December 2009 (Center for Disease Control) between 1998-2003 in a large study that approximately 24,900 HPV Cancers occur each year. 17,300 in women and 7,600 in men. Cervical cancer is the highest occurrence for women and head and neck/oral cancer for men which is HPV related.
On American Cancer Society website in 2010 there were about 12,200 new cases of invasive cervical cancer and about 4,210 deaths. If found early enough it can be cured.
On the American Cancer Society website in 2010 there were about 21,880 new cases of ovarian cancer and 13, 850 deaths. It is ranked as #5 for cause of cancer death in women. Around 50% of the women diagnosed are over the age of 60.
Get the facts and be educated so you can live healthier, become an advocate and write your congressman about more research and tests to be done for gynecological cancers that aren’t easily detected. One day I pray for a cure for all cancers so we can all live long and prosperous lives.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Golden

I wrote this piece and shared it at Damion and Morgan's wedding in Las Vegas last weekend! It was revealed for the first time at the ceremony which was very touching. I witnessed God working through the whole garden that evening. Damion and Morgan may God bless you both on your union. I love you both.

Golden


Flirting around like two dancing butterflies that flutter wings to a soft breeze

One getting closer to the other as one flies away

Back and forth as they sway to the wind on a warm spring day

When we find each other again I begin to wonder how God knew

To place you

So intricately

Like a puzzle piece into my life

You fit just right

I asked God, "How do I know he/she is the one? I mean this can't be, this isn't the way I wanted to meet?"

He told me to take "me" out of the scene and His word is the final...

Meditating on God I heard Him say look closer and you will see...

Finally staring into your eyes I saw the energy of waves crashing on a Hawaiian beach, delicateness of a parent holding their newborn for the first time and the love of two after they renew their vows

Deeper I saw God in you

Answers to questions came as fast as a rolling storm on a hot summer night

Spirit igniting as He shined the light on us

Reminiscing on days where I thought God didn't design someone for me

Seeking near and far for you as time went on I stopped looking

And when I did...there you were

All this time we were twirling around one another

When we met your smile lit up the dark sky

Gently touching your hand I had assurance that God made me for you

Suddenly my walls were crashing

Hesitation that felt like uneasy breathing

Was no more

Realizing

You're my equal

Spiritual partner

Mentor

Lover

Conqueror

Care giver

Night in shining armor

Future mother of my child

Father to my unborn

You're my best friend

And we are in this until the end

I will say I do

To you

Knowing your love for God and how you always put Him first

Granting us permission to move onward

Living our lives like its golden

Our rings symbolize unity

Hearing the angels singing in harmony

On our special day

Baby I would have it no other way

As we lay

Our paths down to walk together

In God's direction

Searching no further

As we have a love to call our own

In faith alone

In Christ alone

Forever in unison

Written By: Serena Wills

August 28th, 2010

All rights reserved

Copyright 2010 Serena Wills

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Where Did You Come From?

Where Did You Come From?


There’s a famous question that every admirable couple I know asked when that special person entered their life out of thin air. One minute they were single, the next they were talking to someone who caught their interest and before you know it they were dating. I’ve gone to two weddings this year on my way to number three on Friday and a fourth in October. All of the couples were at various stages in their lives when that special person either walked into their lives physically or in a couple of cases virtually.

One couple was “poking” each other on Facebook. Well a couple of pokes turned into a date and that lead to a relationship and then…I witnessed them walking down the aisle exchanging vows! They were friends for years and there was a lot of back and forth but it eventually lead to tears of joy letting me know that you never know when it will be time to make that connection and with whom.

Another couple met on an infamous website that I thought wasn’t around anymore…yes you guessed it, Black Planet. Tashawn* was very hesitant as she didn’t believe in virtual romance either. But after casual talk back and forth they decided to go on “the date.” Her side of the story was she didn’t know if she liked him and was nervous but when she met him physically she still had the guards up. After date #2 she warmed up to Tony* and now they are husband and wife. After a series of pre-marital counseling at my church home in Dallas, Texas at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship the last session consisted of them exchanging their vows to one another before their family and God.

Another couple truly inspired me by their story when Loretta* met her husband Gordan* at a night club in NYC. She pulled her girls to the side and said, “He’s too cute, where did he come from?” After having their daughter life split their paths in half and she left NYC to go home to Dallas, TX. After his fight with internal demons called “gambling” he cleaned himself up and did what any great man would do…he went after his family and reclaimed his life with them and relationship with God.

As I spoke with each couple I’m amazed at how life can make you turn a corner, be somewhere you had no intention on being, or even joining a social network to catch up with old friends but instead you caught a man or woman. All of their questions were the same after a couple of dates and conversations, “Where did you come from?”

Asia* and Rob* grew up together and their families know each other. After years of going their own ways they “ran” into each other again. She had gone through two trying relationships and her quote to me was that he was a breath of fresh air. She was happy to have her “friend” back in her life. Well little did she know that he wasn’t going anywhere this go round and now they will tie the knot in October. Every time I see her she’s glowing with the love that has been bestowed on her.

Last couple that is heading down the aisle next year worked together. Marie* said she paid him no mind for a year as they were co-workers even though they were both single. He was throwing the signs at her, compliments, you name it he did it and she intercepted every pass. After a while she began to see what he was about through their friendship and she decided to finally go on a date. Dates turned into a blissful relationship to a beautiful daughter to a proposal on a stage at a play in NYC.

I was compelled to write this piece to inspire those who may be looking or are in a bad relationship. How do you know what your blessing is if you keep blocking it? I want to tell you to put the binoculars down and not look so hard. He/she is coming. From where???? I can’t tell you. Sometimes when you look too hard you find the wrong thing. It’s not in your time…it’s in His time. Ask yourself am I blocking my blessing, sending out bad vibes, negative energy, trying to rush him/her into my life, dating the wrong person? Ask those hard questions and begin to look within and one day you’ll be writing a blog asking yourself, “Where Did You Come From?” And it will be all good! Peace.

Written By: Serena Wills

*Names were changed for privacy.
 
*Picture is of Damion and Morgan Davis (love is in the air people).

Monday, August 16, 2010

God's Matrimony

In July I witnessed another beautiful couple unite as Desmond and Riki Atkins joined hands in holy matrimony. I was invited along with my friend Will Richey to do a collaboration poem at the reception. This is my part of the poem and when I get Will's half I will post at that time. Desmond and Riki...again congratulations! Both of you inspire me. Denim has two amazing and blessed parents!

God’s Matrimony

God whispered to us
And in His words we trust
Him to lead our paths to become one
Listening to His every direction from within
And out
As we let go of our fears to love each other again
First time we tried to direct the plan
Not knowing that no matter what we did we are just man
God has the final say
As He laid
Down our roads, cobble stone by cobble stone
Every grain of dirt as He paved our way
Walking side by side through this journey
Under His supervision
We steadily listened
Moving forward with God's intervention
Having every intention
On being together for the rest of our lives
Vows will be kept unbroken
Sometimes our love will even be unspoken
Emotions jetting out like a racing stream
Before it embraces the ocean
Spirits flooded with sincere passion
Loving each other constantly
Living out our destiny
Knowing that we are each other’s divine molds
Intricately designed by You
May the love we have
Branch out like trees
From the roots to the leaves
Extending to our little one Denim
So she can see
Her parents loving each other…spiritually
Complimenting each other eternally
Hands intertwined
Praying in unity
On bended knees
As we begin our lives
In God’s Matrimony...

Copyright 2010 by Serena Wills

All Rights Reserved