Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time

You loved me

Adored me

I would get music in the middle of the night and throughout the day

Various songs that kept me wanting more of you…making me want to stay

In your life forever

And take on an endeavor

To build a future with you

I would jam to songs that was a mixture of R&B, Jazz, Sexy House, Caribbean and Latin tunes

Waking up in the morning I felt your presence next to me

Miles away I would still feel your spirit breathe

Every song told a story

Expressed a feeling

Alluring

Showing your heart completely

Or so I thought…

Once upon a time

I felt like a fairy tale as we connected in the park

I told my heart no but over time it said yes

And as the music kept coming daily

Telling me your history

I fell for you deeply

God told me He could be the one

Praying day and night I so didn’t want my feelings to jump the gun

You kept me laughing, smiling and in the midst of it all you were healing

Our connection seemed unreal like some of those beautiful story book endings

But like a party our connection played its last song

Crying oceans of tears over what I once I felt

In a snap all of the feelings you had for me left

I’m left with a broken heart

Reminiscing about that day in the park

Sweet memories that we shared now seem so dark

Once upon a time you loved me

I’m now left in silence

And no music to listen to

Written By:

Serena Wills

Copyright (c) 2012

Patience

Being a writer to me also means being transparent in a lot of ways. I feel as if God wants me to write to release my creativity to the world but also in some shape or form to help heal people and let people know that its not just them that feel the way they do.

These past few months have been a total blessing with the birth of my son but it has had its challenges as well. Patience was truly needed as I suffered a job loss that caused me to really become even more humble than ever. I'm a pretty sincere and humble human being but when I was told back in early spring that my organization was being taken over by another and 24 of us (1/3 of the staff) were being laid off and I being one of them; I began to pray heavily.

I asked God, "Please keep my heart light and mind sane since I'm carrying one of your angels. Its easy to get derailed off the track these days." I knew times would get financially tough and that they did.

I hit rock bottom, not knowing where money would come from to even pay rent because I anticipated having a job by mid October. I almost lost hope. However between waking up to my son and having beautiful people in my life...God kept me. He provided my needs. He showed me things in people that I didn't want to see so I knew who was in my corner, who loved me despite my circumstances and who to keep away.

When you hit rock bottom sometimes ugliness will rear its head. Backs were turned on me and I even felt like a charity case at one point.

If my brother or sister fell down I wouldn't want to kick them even further down or walk all over them. I was judged and ridiculed. I realized that I needed to pray for those that turned on me and to forgive. I asked God to not punish but to heal them.

Prayer and patience paid off. Being unemployed gave me more time to bond with my son. I will never regret having spent several months at home. I've been able to refocus and shift my priorities and emotions during the time of stillness. I spoke to family and friends more (on the phone and in person) and we breathed life into each others dreams! The power of fellowship is very real.

I want the best for my son and during this time I realized that I was (and still am) hurting from things that happened to me in life. I want to heal. Its time for the broken pieces to be put back together.

God gave me this time. One day I walked along the river front and told God that I wouldn't even mind a part time job so I could still be home more with my son and work on my business ventures. I told him, "Have your way with me."

The next day (Thursday) I received a message about a potential job from the organization that took over my previous one and laid me off, by that Monday I received the offer letter. Now I'm gainfully employed. Although I still have work to do (hey I'm a work in progress) I have a road map that has been reworked. I'm looking forward to the future. I can only pray that the healing continues, that love will breathe into my spirit and soul like its never done before and that my/our dreams will blossom!

Times may be hard right now. Believe me I know. So if this piece is talking to you, just know that you will be fine in His time. Be still and refocus. Sometimes we get lost in ourselves or even in other people. What I'm doing now is focusing on God instead of the storm. A shift from my prior thinking as I used to focus on the storm and then God.

I pray to remain humble, be a reflection of Him, be a good mother and pursue my dreams with even more fire and desire! I pray that I can be an inspiration!

Crooning

This poem is what I envision anyone who is in love with a musician from a female perspective(no I'm not in love...yet). But one never knows what the future holds. Enjoy!

Crooning

I’m in love with a musician
No need to front any longer as he always captures my attention
If he wanted me he could have me in any sort of position
Listen
Can’t go on living in denial
A glimpse of his smile attracts me
When he gets on that mic and serenades me
Got down on one bending knee asking me to dig him back
I froze and when my mouth moved nothing came out and I couldn’t say jack
Crooning
Loving me from a far on the stage
Or up close and personal after a set
Assuming he did this to all the girls
Learning that in fact he only croons for thee
Mind is twirling 50 miles per minute
He’s different, magical and sexy
Singing lyrics that make even the coldest person feel a certain way
Warming my body inside and out
Inhaling…exhaling deeply…when he winks in my direction
Stressing on what to wear and even down to how I style my hair
Ladies…this crooner can sing any type of song
R and B, Reggae, Rock, Slow Tunes
Blues, Blue Grass, Latin and will even reach back and sing some Marvin Gaye
Sexual healing he’ll say to me knowing I’ve been burned before
Spirituality is out of this world
Reaching down in parts of me that were left untapped from the bums prior
Swaying to his tunes as I make my way to the front of the room
Nothing standing between us
Ladies this is way more than lust
Extending his hand out and I follow instruction
Pulling me close as he continues to sing
While dancing with me
Making the other ladies in the audience scream
Effect on me is like a hurricane
Blown away by his eyes, charm, touch, voice and musical talents
Crooning…singing love tunes for thousands
In fact even millions when he blows up
Hoping he won’t forget about our private memories
Creating musical love making from the last poem
Trapped in an artist paradise
With him…lucky girl I am
Listen to me…no more denial
Giving him my undivided attention
Writing poetry and lyrics for him
Facing the truth and simple fact that I’m in love with a musician

Copyright 2010 Serena Wills

All Rights Reserved

Silent Tears

I never posted this poem on my blog. Mom reassured me that I was going to be okay even though I silently cried at her bedside. There are nights and days where the tears just flow and you know what...I let them because it's cleansing my soul. Dedicated to those who have silent tears and have been to the place I've been. The painting is by my friend Soukaa, an artist out of Dallas, TX.

Silent tears
Streak my face
Creating a puddle of water in my lap
Deep breaths as I let out shrieks of pain
Grieving untamed
Falling to my knees
Screaming please
Please...
Come back to me
Alas in the stillness of the night
Begging and pleading
Reasoning with God
I tried to tell Him
"We had plans my man and now my mother has been taken away from me."
Shoulders hunched over
Arms wrapped around my stomach
Releasing my mourning and aches that are trapped within
Mourning over Mama
Thought she would make it
Instead God turned the clock forward
Minutes passed by and moments are unclear
Surreal that she's gone
Phone silent
No more ringing in the middle of the night
Ever since my mother walked into the light
Thinking back to the day
When she smiled at me to say
"I love you and you'll be okay"
Not comprehending
Riddles she made
But as I pieced everything together I finally was aware
She was preparing me
Always a mother even after the last breath
Worried about my family
Reassuring her we'll keep each other lifted as God covers us like a blanket on a cold winter day
Fast forward to now
Visions of your smile
Dancing in heavens clouds
Brings joy to my saddened heart
Comforted by your spiritual presence that surrounds me day in and day out
Even the times when I shout
"Mama where are you!"
I'm reminded as I feel a gentle touch that rubs my back
And a whisper...I'm right here baby girl
Mama you will always be with me
And I will be with you too
My sorrow is raw
Emotions crashing like waves against a mountains wall
Rescue me from this grief
Send me a sign
That you're thinking of me too
Figuring out my next steps and what God has ordered for me to do
Except the only thing missing physically is you
Gazing into the dark night
Blurred vision from tears
Praying to God to heal my family and me too
Sending a message to you
Through prayers and thoughts
Mom I love you
Honored that God chose me to be birthed through you
One courageous, bold, voicetrous and loving woman
Your legacy will be kept alive and promises I made to you will be kept
Loving you...always...dear mama
Silent tears fall as I grieve

Ase to you...

Copyright Serena Wills 2010

Love Jones...Do You Have One?

Hmmmm, the weather is getting cooler and a few of my friends have the love jones goin on. So I'm dedicating this piece to all those that have that special...sweet...love jones.

Sweet Love Jones

This love jones has jumped into my soul
I don’t know how to explain it
It’s a feeling that only one would know if they are in love
This jones in my bones has an erotic feeling
That I can only show to my loved one
A jones can be mysterious
You begin to wonder and look for answers as to why you feel soooo good
A love jones follows you throughout your soul
And when you are intertwining and unwinding with your lover
It just comes out like a racing stream before the waterfall
There is no control over these emotions that flood your spirit
And when it’s time to share then there is no turning back
As my man whispers in my ear to give it to him all night
My body melts and my soul is awakened by the sound of his voice
His tender but hard strokes makes me know how much he loves me
You see when a man can stroke your intelligence, feed your spirit and stroke ya right
What more could you want from this King
I watch him sleeping knowing that I am dancing through his dreams
As we lay underneath the sun rising and hear the birds chirping
I thank God for another day with my King…my soul mate
As the morning grows and I begin to moan as my baby wakes me up the right way
A love jones is in my soul and I want to take this trip to ecstasy
With my baby…the King in my life

Copyright 2008 Serena Wills All Rights Reserved