Patience

Being a writer to me also means being transparent in a lot of ways. I feel as if God wants me to write to release my creativity to the world but also in some shape or form to help heal people and let people know that its not just them that feel the way they do.

These past few months have been a total blessing with the birth of my son but it has had its challenges as well. Patience was truly needed as I suffered a job loss that caused me to really become even more humble than ever. I'm a pretty sincere and humble human being but when I was told back in early spring that my organization was being taken over by another and 24 of us (1/3 of the staff) were being laid off and I being one of them; I began to pray heavily.

I asked God, "Please keep my heart light and mind sane since I'm carrying one of your angels. Its easy to get derailed off the track these days." I knew times would get financially tough and that they did.

I hit rock bottom, not knowing where money would come from to even pay rent because I anticipated having a job by mid October. I almost lost hope. However between waking up to my son and having beautiful people in my life...God kept me. He provided my needs. He showed me things in people that I didn't want to see so I knew who was in my corner, who loved me despite my circumstances and who to keep away.

When you hit rock bottom sometimes ugliness will rear its head. Backs were turned on me and I even felt like a charity case at one point.

If my brother or sister fell down I wouldn't want to kick them even further down or walk all over them. I was judged and ridiculed. I realized that I needed to pray for those that turned on me and to forgive. I asked God to not punish but to heal them.

Prayer and patience paid off. Being unemployed gave me more time to bond with my son. I will never regret having spent several months at home. I've been able to refocus and shift my priorities and emotions during the time of stillness. I spoke to family and friends more (on the phone and in person) and we breathed life into each others dreams! The power of fellowship is very real.

I want the best for my son and during this time I realized that I was (and still am) hurting from things that happened to me in life. I want to heal. Its time for the broken pieces to be put back together.

God gave me this time. One day I walked along the river front and told God that I wouldn't even mind a part time job so I could still be home more with my son and work on my business ventures. I told him, "Have your way with me."

The next day (Thursday) I received a message about a potential job from the organization that took over my previous one and laid me off, by that Monday I received the offer letter. Now I'm gainfully employed. Although I still have work to do (hey I'm a work in progress) I have a road map that has been reworked. I'm looking forward to the future. I can only pray that the healing continues, that love will breathe into my spirit and soul like its never done before and that my/our dreams will blossom!

Times may be hard right now. Believe me I know. So if this piece is talking to you, just know that you will be fine in His time. Be still and refocus. Sometimes we get lost in ourselves or even in other people. What I'm doing now is focusing on God instead of the storm. A shift from my prior thinking as I used to focus on the storm and then God.

I pray to remain humble, be a reflection of Him, be a good mother and pursue my dreams with even more fire and desire! I pray that I can be an inspiration!

Parenthood Experience!

This is what I've learned and continue to find out as a new parent! Enjoy!

The best gifts are necessities! Christmas is coming! So it's great to get cute stuff but try and get the necessary items covered! We just had to buy diapers for the first time last month when Jordan turned 3 months old! Diapers are costly! Wipes and other essentials are great and gift cards to help are outstanding!

Network with other parents! I have friends that have given me clothes, toys, vibrating chairs, swings, etc for Jordan! They passed it on since their kids are bigger now!

Create a Mommy/Daddy swap! Some things I have are on "loan" because that family wants more kids and until they have them they loaned us stuff (swing, bassinet, vibrating chair)! Saved us a lot of $!

Don't buy every new gadget that's on the market! I love Babies R Us but that store can suck you in! There are gadgets I even had on my baby registry that I took off (thanks to some great friends)! Like pacifier wipes, a wipe warmer, the car wipe warmer, the baby bathtub with shower head/jacuzzi mechanism which is shown above)! Need I say more!

Don't listen to everyone! MY GOD! People had some serious opinions during my pregnancy! Listen to some advice but don't get overwhelmed (its very easy to get irritated with the amount of advice you will receive)!

Its okay to politely tell people to please mind their business. Also its fine to tell people to not touch your belly if you're pregnant. I had strangers who wanted to touch my belly! No...back off!

Don't buy a lot of newborn stuff! Your child might not even fit it and if they do it will be a very short period.

You're not eating for (2)! You can eat healthy while carrying your baby but if you want the baby weight to fall off afterwards please do yourself and the baby a favor and watch what you put into your body while you're preggers!

Your doctor/pediatrician is your friend. At least mine was/are! I told my OB about all the lovely comments and advice I was receiving. He humorously said, "You can ask me anything...that's what I get paid the big bucks to do." Lol. But seriously, have a good relationship with them and ask questions.

Once the baby is here, go out! Don't become a hermit. You want your child to be exposed to the world. I'm not saying go to a rock concert. But get out. Go shopping, a new mom's/dad's group, visit friends, family, etc.

Please start buying bigger clothes (going back to buying a bunch of new born clothes)...plan outward and diversify their wardrobe with all sizes.

Accept help! If a friend says, "I'll come over so you can take a nap, wash clothes, go for a walk/run, etc and I'll watch the baby." Then you should answer with, "Yes! Please come by!"

Did I say don't get caught up in buying all the latest gadgets lol!

Wanna make a profit while making space? Then put the baby things on Craigslist or they even now have markets where parents can set tables up and sell stuff. Some parents know they aren't having any more children. So why hang onto everything. Make room and money (you can start your kids savings account this way too)!

Review ratings of products! Very important!
 
I wrote this to help out expecting/new parents and hope other parents can add to it! Now my son is only 4 months old and I've experienced all of this! Imagine 4 months down the line. Enjoy parenthood!

Getting Ready for the New!!!!

I went to Reid Temple AME in Glenn Arden, MD on Sunday, November 13th to witness a dear sista friend of mine son get baptized. I was intrigued with the sermon and it came to me at such a delicate time of my life.

The pastor spoke about bringing old things into the new. There are some old things you can bring with you into new places. The old things that "work" and then there are those things that should have been left behind.

Friendships, grudges, emotions of a love gone wrong or feelings for someone who doesn't appreciate you are examples of what he spoke about. He used the perfect metaphor which I thought was funny at first and then when he brought it home everyone stood to their feet.

He collects old hotel keys (lol). The plastic ones. His wife hates that he does that! He said he went into a city to preach and pulled out an old key by accident to open the door. Of course the door wouldn't open he tried again and realized he pulled out the old key to open up a new door!

This made perfect sense! Too many times people bring old stuff into a new opportunity that God grants you and yet they don't understand why it isn't working.

Today I need to start sifting through some of my own old things. Although it might hurt to sweep out these old things...I have to because I'm going to block God's blessing and new opportunities if I don't get it together.

Some of us are given opportunities right in our face (God might bless you with a mate that's right for you) and because you're so hung up on "old things" you miss the new opportunity. The pastor left us with this, "Don't let God see that you under appreciate your new opportunity whether it be a mate, work, finances, etc. He can take it away and you may never get that opportunity again."

Think about what you keep dragging around, any new opportunities you're letting slip away and begin the work. Its not easy (I know) but its necessary.

Love of My Life

Dedicated to the love of my life...

Your smile and tender touch
Brings tears to my eyes on a daily
I've been through storms that not even the average person should have survived
All of my storms lead to blessings and sun shine
Never have I experienced a love like this before
From your beautiful bright eyes
To a smile that's a mile wide
Even when my days are grey
I look at you and my spirit is renewed
God blessed me with an angel
My first born
Willing to do
All I can as your mother
To the little man in my life
Jordan Oladele...I love you
Grandma Sauti was right...she sent you to us as she promised
I have so many plans and dreams that were deferred
Now my dreams will be ours
And we'll even create new ones!
Thank you son for choosing me as your mother

May our lives be long together

Written By:

Serena Wills

Copyright (c) 2011

My Life as a Mother

Its been a long time since posting to my blog. Between the tail end of my pregnancy being full of unpacking my new apartment, getting ready for the newest addition to the world and then giving birth I've been busy. My life has changed since Jordan was born 3 months ago...but for the better. Every time I tried to write about my life and motherhood I became stuck. Almost speechless because there aren't enough words to describe how I feel.

What helped me to get unstuck in regards to my writing was watching how short life can be. My family has lost a couple of family members and our community has lost legends. I thought to myself, what if my time was up? My son would have no recollection in writing about how I feel as a mother. So here we go...

Dearest Jordan,

You're the sunshine of my life! I never knew I could love like this until I held you for the first time in my arms. I didn't want to let go of you and when I looked into your eyes I knew there was a God! Now don't get me wrong...I know God is real. But having you confirmed that God can make people love again, He can also show adults like me that love truly exists! After your Grandma Sauti passed away I crawled into a shell...I was at a loss. I didn't think I could love again or open up because I was (and still am) hurt that she had to leave us. Then I reconnected with your father and then came you.

I loved being pregnant with you and now that you're here I love leaning over the crib to say "Good Morning" and in return I get a huge smile!

I pray to God that we have a long life together! There are so many things to show you, dreams I have, stories to tell you and things to experience through the eyes of being your mother. You're so special to me and quite a few people. You're even blessed to have (3) living great grandparents!

We're going to have fun together between taking you to African dance class (I danced with you for 8 months of my pregnancy) to running (you're already practicing with those active feet)! I want you to have a life greater than me and your father's put together! I want you to see the world with those huge eyes of yours!

Loving you is a treasure! Jordan I thank you because one of my life long dreams was to become a mother and now I have you. I love you so much.

Writing Hiatus

It's been a while since I wrote on my blog. Life has gone in so many different directions this year and I feel as if I have a lot to say but it's all cluttered in my brain. Being pregnant has been such a blessing and I know once my beautiful son enters this world he will give me even more inspiration to write.

I also feel as if God is telling me that I have so much written that it's time to start birthing all of it by publishing my books. He always makes a way and although money is super tight with us preparing for little one I know somehow...someway...God will provide a way for me to finally birth my books. I've learned to not listen to everyone this year. Everyone has an opinion...and I mean everyone. One person went as far to tell me I might as well put my books and dreams on the back burner until next year or so because I can't be a new mother and keep pursuing my writing career. Some of you might be shaking your heads, but my pregnancy has shed a lot and I mean a lot of light. I just pray and meditate and whatever God wants me to do I will do it and shut out all negative energy and put it into my internal neglect file (start one...you'll have so much peace once you realize you can't take in or listen to everyone). The one thing I am hearing from Him is to not defer my dreams and to continue to love. If anything make my son a part of my dreams (he'll like the fun ride we will take together on this journey).

Stay tuned for what's next in my journey called life. So far this year has been a true blessing. After losing my sister Ayana in 2007, Mom in 2010 God said its enough and I need to receive abundant blessings. Regardless of what people may think...it's my time to shine.

Sometimes when there is silence after you pray, don't fret. God is working on something bigger and better for you. Silence is powerful. I know I will get clear direction as to what to do in regards to my writing and finding resources soon. He always comes right...on...time.

God bless and have a fantastic week, month and summer.

Few copies left of "Keeping the Faith Anthology" Support Me By Buying a Copy Today!

One of the best things I've heard after reading an excerpt of my story at an open mic or event is, "Thank you for being transparent and allowing others to be inspired!" I still have copies left of Keeping the Faith Edited By Essence Magazine Best Seller Vanessa Miller! It's been great sharing the story about my mother titled, "Listening Ear." The book is available and on sale right here on my website!


Buy your copy by going to the left hand column and click below the book cover, choose how many books and you will be directed to a secure PayPal website. Also if you live in the DMV area (DC/MD/VA) I will arrange to bring copies directly to you!

Here’s a snippet of the true story about my mother’s battle of Ovarian Cancer.

Looking back I think Nana knew something. There was an unusual nervousness in her voice when she asked, “Is everything okay? Can she come home yet?”


Not wanting my grandmother to know the full weight of the situation, I looked her in the eye and said, “I’m going to see and will let you know.”

I jumped into a cab and went to Jamaica Hospital which was ten minutes away. I imagined the room to be dark and filled with demons meeting me at the door. When I walked into the room, I saw my mother resting peacefully. I kissed her on the cheek and she woke up smiling. The next few hours we talked about life. She held my hand and gave me firm instructions on her final arrangements. Towards the end of the conversation I said, “Ma, we’re going to beat this! I need you to believe me. Why do we have to talk about this?”

She smiled and said, “Serena, I’m so thankful and I wanted you to know that. Because, if I die, I don’t want anything to be left unsaid.”
Puzzled I said, “Come again?”

Mom said, “I’m so grateful. I have you, Christina, family and friends. I’m glad I had a chance to adopt Ayana and care for her before she died two years ago.”

Here my mother was sick with the most advanced stage of cancer and she could still say how grateful she was. That night she taught me something in that dank hospital room. No matter how bad the situation seems or how deep the waters are, I should open up my mouth and say, “Lord I Thank You for what I have.”

Please support me and purchase a copy or two or more. I can even make arrangements to meet you so you can buy the book. I will only hold books for 1 business week only. Spread the word and purchase your copy today! Peace and blessings!