Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time

You loved me

Adored me

I would get music in the middle of the night and throughout the day

Various songs that kept me wanting more of you…making me want to stay

In your life forever

And take on an endeavor

To build a future with you

I would jam to songs that was a mixture of R&B, Jazz, Sexy House, Caribbean and Latin tunes

Waking up in the morning I felt your presence next to me

Miles away I would still feel your spirit breathe

Every song told a story

Expressed a feeling

Alluring

Showing your heart completely

Or so I thought…

Once upon a time

I felt like a fairy tale as we connected in the park

I told my heart no but over time it said yes

And as the music kept coming daily

Telling me your history

I fell for you deeply

God told me He could be the one

Praying day and night I so didn’t want my feelings to jump the gun

You kept me laughing, smiling and in the midst of it all you were healing

Our connection seemed unreal like some of those beautiful story book endings

But like a party our connection played its last song

Crying oceans of tears over what I once I felt

In a snap all of the feelings you had for me left

I’m left with a broken heart

Reminiscing about that day in the park

Sweet memories that we shared now seem so dark

Once upon a time you loved me

I’m now left in silence

And no music to listen to

Written By:

Serena Wills

Copyright (c) 2012

We Shall Meet Again

Mommy African Dancing at Chief Bey's Tribute 1979

A co worker gave me a prayer book last year right after Mommy passed away. Out of all of the prayers this one stuck out to me and it read:

May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm on your face
The rain fall softly on your fields
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of His hand

Irish Blessing...Author Unknown

This blessing/prayer sits on my dresser and I read it from time to time reminding me that although we lost my mother Marguerite "Sauti" Wills a year ago on February 19th, 2010 to Ovarian cancer that she is in heaven and prayed this prayer for myself, family and loved ones she left behind.

I can't believe a year has gone by and one of my mother's good friends from Philadelphia told me in April 2010 for me to get ready because Sauti is about to rearrange your life in such a way. She now has the power to bless her family divinely and doesn't want to see you struggle any more.

I respect this man's opinion as he is a very spiritual brother and since Mom has transitioned to being an ancestor, my life every month, every day, every hour, every second is being rearranged for the better. Although she is gone I feel her every day and I know she is with me and will never leave my side nor my family. Even friends have felt her presence.

I've been through quite a few trials and tribulations since her death but towards the end of 2010 I felt them break. I've been blessed and they just keep coming. I feel my strength returning and my passions growing. I had to clean house because some people just couldn't walk the same path or journey with me. Although it hurt...it hurt me more to know how people can only be there when the sun is shining and not when the storm has hit. It's hurtful even when people are there in your life and they try to turn it even more upside down but yet they claim they are there for you. Although scary, I had to clean house and my path has been a bit straighter since. I learned all of this through the wisdom and love of my mother. She taught to take risks and she left me with the words of, "I want you to be happy."

To my sweet Iya Sauti, I miss you more then I can ever explain. I can write poems, articles and books about you and it still wouldn't say enough. Losing you has left a void in my heart that no one can fill but somehow you taught me that although a heart can be heavy that there is still room for love and to love and live life to the fullest. Grieving won't last always but missing you will. Ase to you...ase, ase, ase.

(Ase *Ah-shay* in the West African culture is said when we give thanks and praise our ancestors).

May peace be with each of you on this day.

Pain

As I read the story of Paul and how he had a thorn in his side and was always in pain it reminded me of the aches I feel at times in my heart about Mom being gone. I wrote this a couple of weeks ago on a rainy afternoon. Be blessed and know that we all go through pain, but pray as I am that God will heal it in His time. He will shower down on me and my family as Earnest Pugh sings in his song. Peace.

Pain

Healing relieves me of pain
But makes more room for more
Empty space begins to fill with feelings of breathing easy, less crying and hopes of nothing else trying
Happening to me
It seems as though when the pain of a loved ones death, broken relationship, hateful job has subsided
The devil gives you more
Nights are suddenly occupied again with misty eyes, palpitating heart and no rest
Managing the loss of my sister I thought would never come
2.5 years later now my mother is gone
Like an open wound that never healed right
Reopened as it hurts like never before
I never thought I would be a motherless child physically
So soon
Down one sister, father, papa and now mama
God I don't know how much more I can take
Please forsake me if I've ever done anything to you to make me go through this
I thought it was the devil as I felt the pain in my side like the story of Paul
Not understanding why you took my Iya so soon
Reliving everything I've done wrong to see why I'm being punished
I'm not a bad person
Pastor told me the thorn you feel is keeping you humble, the greater the pain the bigger your anointing that God will bless you
Shaking my head as I steadily wipe the constant stream of tears from my face
Why me God...why us
Family going nuts because now Mom has left us
Praying for more healing, as the minutes, hours, days and now weeks go by
Dreaming about Mom at night hoping when I wake up its all a lie
That she will call and say, "Baby I'm home."
Alas when I pick up the phone I hear the message that the phone is now disconnected
God give me understanding, knowing that in the end this will all make sense
For now I have to come to grips
With Mama's death
Healing relieves pain
Sometimes it makes room for more
Standing on my faith
Asking God for strength
Everlasting guidance since He gave me my own personal guardian angel
Leaning into your spiritual arms Mama
Missing you
Praying that my healing comes and pain will be subdued
Hoping in time it will be easier to manage
The pain of losing you...

Written By: Serena Wills

March.23.10

Rainy day

Life Transformation

Life Transformation

I’ve been in the DC area better known as DMV (DC, Maryland, Virginia) area for 23 days. Truly blessed that I’m starting a new chapter in my life and at the same time a little sad that one is closing. Sometimes people don’t understand when it’s time to move on or even move back. I had been back and forth praying about my return to the east coast but at the same time I didn’t know if I should leave Dallas because of the great things that were happening with my artistry, meeting great people and being so active. I discovered things internally that had been festering inside me when I first lived in Alexandria, VA for 8.5 years before moving to Dallas for love. The love I moved for came and went and at first I felt bad about it but after time, healing and motivation I saw my true purpose for leaving VA. I was supposed to take my writing and poetry to another level that I had never reached because I was too distracted in DMV when I was younger. Too busy hitting the streets, clubs and chilling and barely concentrating on my love for writing and poetry.


All the while this was festering in my soul and spirit between 1997-2006 it never came to full fruition. Many teachers since elementary school strongly encouraged me to take my writing seriously. They called it a gift. I just saw it as writing well. But in Dallas, TX between the many artists that embraced and touched me, various people and places such as ArtLoveMagic, Art Conspiracy, Writers Block, Inc. and the South Dallas Cultural Center I grew into my creative spirit. Even my church home Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship has their Creative Tyme ministry which focuses on the arts where I met accomplished authors. My nonprofit career shifted back into arts education and everywhere I turned I felt inspired after a while.

So why did I leave Dallas, TX with all of this greatness happening? After the death of my sister in 2007 I knew that I had to be closer to my family and support circle. Her death made me think of life differently as I submitted pieces to be published. I knew that tomorrow wasn’t promised to anyone. Being so far away from my mother and family at a time like this internally killed a piece of my spirit. However I was restored through prayer, meditation and a grieving class, I came to grips with her death and thanked God for the 24 years I had with her. Since Ayana left us I’ve been published three times, completed three books and hit the open mic scene. I learned to use my words to reach out to the masses because you never know how you can affect a person. Your testimony may be what they needed to hear.


I used the heartache of a bad break up and molded it into energy to light more fire under my creative soul. I knew at the end of 2007 that God had me on a time clock with Dallas and He would let me know when it was time to take my show on the road.

At the beginning of this year I was given my answer by God that it was time to start heading east. Changes at my job played a huge role in my decision. I was also missing the 5+ children that I have in my life growing up before my eyes. I didn’t want to miss my goddaughter’s senior year of high school, my godson/nephew Rahiem graduate from middle school, another beach loving summer with my nephew Dontae just to name a few. I decided to step out on faith and leave and try to work for my own. I secured contracts and my writing was on fire as I now featured at wonderful events. My small business of framed poetry was taking off both in Dallas and east coast. I knew I had to go back to the DC area because I had some unfinished business. It was time to take my talents and really go to another level from the east. DC is such a Mecca for the arts, urban scene and inspiration as we have a new leader of the free world President Obama.


Sometimes life will transform in front of your own very eyes. You don’t know why things are happening. Why you had to hit rock bottom financially or things didn’t go right at first but in the end you come out clearer with a crisp mind and clean spirit. As soon as I hit the east I began to get my financial house in order, my house back in TX looks like it will finally sell, getting on the scene to see how I can market myself as well as artists back in Dallas but here on the east. I saw my mother, grandmother, sister Christina and friends that I grew up with for the first time in 6.5 months. So many things came to light as I sat quiet and reflected on my journeys. Even some friends I had when I lived in DMV years ago aren’t in my circle any more. We grew a part as life took us different pathways. But I’m thankful for the new friends and paths both in TX , DC area and NYC. I even had some friends fall off the radar in TX before I left because they were judgmental or their paths didn’t link up with mine. Those I am close too and are true artists and love what they do regardless of your career, goals and dreams are going a lot of places and we are like minded. We have gifts from God that the world is going to see.


I felt compelled to write this blog because some people don’t understand why I moved and what caused it. I do miss Dallas so much. Mainly my friends, artists and writers that rock on many levels that it’s unbelievable. I’m now thirstier for what God has next in store for me and I want to use this opportunity to take those who want to go on the ride with me. So stay tuned for more creativity coming from yours truly and Dallas I miss you greatly. There is a very special place in my heart for the great things happening there and I will return to visit and do shows soon. But no matter where you live, if it’s your time to shine, take your talents to another level and even if it requires moving then don’t hesitate…motivate and make it happen. We only have one shot at life and you have to ask yourself…am I going to prevent myself from making my dreams happen or get on the bus to my future.



Symbol shown above is a West African Adinkra symbol for life transformation.