Epiphany or Musical Lovemaking...

This unique piece has two titles, I love both so I'll keep em. I was inspired to write this piece on one of the last evenings I got together with my ArtLoveMagic family last year in June. Dedicated to all of my true musicians...keep creating.

Epiphany...Musical Lovemaking

Lovemaking to my soul
Reaching down into places
Where no one should go
But somehow you’re there with the power
Of your voice singing blues and your guitar
Strumming the chords of my creative muse
Musical depth of the oceans floor
Longing for a moment with you
Visualization of musically twisted thoughts
Poetry with your grooves
Rhythm and blues
Reggae to even country tunes
Tapping into me
Like the army uses morse code
Asking myself, “How do you know what to touch, press, feel and even stroke…creatively.”
Longtime coming since I let go into this abyss of my natural mystic
Tucked away never wanting to get hurt
Guarded for the fear
Of the past troubles
One man tried to rape my artistry, creativity and mentality
He didn’t believe in the power of music
Words bouncing off of the walls
Bass trembling to the bottom of my toes
To the tips of my eyelashes
Discovery once again through you of my musical incline
An epiphany wondering what was missing from my life
Uniquely designed as I come alive again
Loving you
Digging you
Plugging away at those guitar strings
Wanting you as you sing to me through your soft lips
Rejuvenation of my mind, body and spirit
Creative restoration
God placed this gift in you
Bless others with your tunes
Swaying to the music…nothing but the music
Lovingly through you

Written By:

Serena Wills

Started on June 26, 2009 and completed December 2009

The Revolution of Me...

Celebrating thirty-five years of life and as I look back, I'm so thankful for all the good, bad and even ugly. I noticed this weekend that although my mother is sick with cancer, she is getting stronger and has brought my family together in ways that I could never imagine. We aren't a perfect family but I've prayed for many years that we can rid the grudges, speak to one another more often and connect to each other on if not most then all levels.

Even I have been guilty of holding onto the grudges of loved ones in my family and not letting go. I thanked my mother on my birthday which was on January 16th for being strong and for bringing our family together as we work in unison in regards to her health. We can now talk about how each of us are doing, the kids, finances, trials and struggles and help each other get through. We still have work to do but this is a beautiful start thus far.

During my time of reflection on Saturday I looked over at my beautiful cousin Gianina from my fathers side and thanked him. Even though he could never figure out how to be a father to me on this physical plain called earth, never acknowledged me, he has done something that I never thought would happen. He lead me to the "Hayes" side of my family where I had two sisters and a brother waiting for me. An array of cousins, an Uncle that embraces me and a host of other people. Although my brother isn't in the fold yet I know in time that he will find us.

How could I hold onto a grudge with a person that is now deceased? How could anyone? It sounds easy but a lot of people as myself and my cousin were talking about over the weekend still can't let go of hurt feelings, emotions or grudges with someone who is alive let alone dead. The day I heard my father passed away almost ten years ago most of those ill feelings and grudges were dropped. Over time all of them vanished. He paid the ultimate price and although I sometimes hurt inside that I will never get a chance to meet him on this side of my life, I know that I will see him when it's my time to go.

Some may say that this piece should be called "Evolution" but in fact it's a "Revolution." Meaning that a dramatic change has happened to me over time and it's good change. In fact it's great. Not enough people sit down and reflect on the major and drastic changes. The shifts that have taken place to put them into the position that they are in now.

Sitting around with a few of my girlfriends on Saturday night made me look back at those that aren't in my circle any more and I'm not in their line of friends. We naturally moved on or weren't on each other's level. Some have grown distant and our friendship is fine like that. Many times they were in my life for a reason...a season...a mere chapter. Some come in and out. But the older I get the more I notice my circle is full of beautiful, spiritual and intelligent women. Also full of positive and inspiring men that have proven that all men aren't cut from the same piece of cloth. They are designed in God's light and are here to prove that there are still real gentlemen walking this earth.

Lastly I reflected on the wonderful children that are in my life. Although I haven't birthed any (yet) they are something else. My nephew who is all of seven spoke to me on the phone Sunday morning and I still remember the day that he fell asleep in my arms when we were at the beach when he was only one year old. He was so peaceful as we were in the ocean and all of a sudden I heard his heavy breathing in my ear. But something else happened when I spoke with him. I suddenly yearned for the day that I'm blessed to meet the king in my life so I can have one or even two children. I'm now in my mid thirties and my clock for some reason rang a little loud over the weekend (the biological clock). But I know when that day comes (both me meeting the man of my dreams and having a child) that it will be another shift...revolution (change) to discuss.

For now I'm thankful for all that I have, the dreams that will come true this year and all that God has blessed me with. Every time I felt down or didn't think I accomplished a task or let someone down (even myself). He saw the best in me. He made me change and turn in directions that I wouldn't have imagined and as my pastor says in church...the best is yet to come.

Be easy and at peace.

Racing to Save Lives Again...A Living Honor to My Mother

Hello everyone! It was time to test my strength once again and run in honor of mi madre Marguerite Wills. Please read below.

I'm training to participate in the Suntrust National Full (26.2 mile) marathon on March 20th, 2010 as a member of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's (LLS) Team In Training. This is my 5th Marathon! My theme is (Five for 35) as I will be turning 35 in January.

All of us on Team In Training are raising funds to help create a world free of cancer. I am completing this event in honor of my mother Marguerite "Sauti" Wills that is battling ovarian and stomach cancer. She was diagnosed August 10th, 2009 just one month after I relocated back to the east coast. She is a fighter and has already started her chemotherapy. We accept all prayers and thoughts at this time. I'm also running in memory of my grandfather, "Papa" Lawrence Wills, Sr.

They are my personal heroes as well as everyone who is battling cancer...the real heroes on our team, and we need your support to cross the ultimate finish line - a cure!

Please make a donation to support my participation in Team In Training at http://pages.teamintraining.org/nca/natl10/swills and help advance LLS's mission. Whether it's $10, $25, $50, $75, $100. Any donation makes a difference! Remember 2009 is coming to an end so any donations made by the end of December 31st can be used as a tax deduction for 2009!!!!! My overall goal is to raise $1,600 by January 16th (my birthday)! So help me crush my goal!

I hope you will visit my web site often. Be sure to check back frequently to see my progress and to see how my Mommy is doing too.

Thanks for your support! Also the picture is of Mommy, my sister Ayana (RIP) and me in 1984! Mom you can make it!!!!

Peace and Love,

Serena

Storms

I wrote this piece in church on Wednesday night when I thought about the struggles and battles my Mom is having with ovarian cancer. This is dedicated to all those who have either been infected, affected or impacted by cancer. Mom you will make it! Peace be with you...

Storms

Silence
Listening to the sounds of the rain outside my window
Drip, splash, drip, splash
Splashing on the leaves as the water pours out of the sky
Voice becoming stronger with the wind picking up
Tree branches scratching my windows
On bending knees praying for the healing rejuvenation and restoration for Mama
Struck with cancer two months ago
Hurricane like winds whipping devastation to her physical being
Bleakness blinds my vision
Grim nightmares brewed with the thoughts of you possibly leaving me here on earth alone
Lights flickered
Storm becoming fierce outside
Similar to the one my Mama is enduring
Memories of walking hand in hand with you one year prior
Ignorant to the fact that we're not invincible
Although God's children
We're human acceptable to diseases, hurt, pain and anguish
Throat closing as my streaks of tears were accompanied by screams
Confessing with my mouth all the things I did
Not comprehending
Mom's diagnosis
She's my rock, the living angel in my life
Overnight I became Mama's wall holding her up
Who knew I'd be strong enough to bear so much on my spirit, soul and mental being
Blurred eyes, the wet pillow and sore throat signs that I mourned the death of the cancer
Believing faithfully that as the cancer dies Mom's body is being reconstructed
Optimism growing from the pain, believing that God kissed the cancer goodbye
Matter of time before she is healed
In your darkest moments is when God will begin to abundantly bless you
Stretched body across the floor
Praying for a total breakthrough
Rain falling
Slowly decreasing
Water tumbling off the leaves
Cancer cells dying
Disease stricken storm
Dying...leaving the body
Renewed, healed
Cured

May Peace Be With You,

Serena

Turning in My Player's Hat

I know this piece is talking to either somebody or a few people...

Turning in My Players Hat!

When my friend Ethan (named changed to not put him out there) told me that he’s tired of all this dating and wants to settle down I almost passed out. He’s truly attractive and I’ve seen him grow over the course of our 20+ year of friendship. He loved women, all kinds and they would flock to him. I mean who wouldn’t. He’s smart, witty and charming. Great job, has his head on right and is learning from his mistakes. But he just wasn’t ready to settle down. As we sat on the phone he laid out his master plan to me. I thought to myself, “My God we’re grownups.” We want to have families, see each other blow up and live our dreams. I was still in shock that my brother is turning in the players’ hat for a wife. He’s been through a lot in his life. When he lost his Grandpa shortly after I lost mine I felt his pain. His sound board was gone. All of the wisdom of listening to an elder man was silenced.

He never wanted his crew to see his pain but we knew he was hurting when he dropped off the face of the earth for a year. My Papa has been gone for over 8 years now and I still miss him. I wish I had the opportunity to ask him questions (especially in the dating department). But I do through prayer but there is nothing like hearing his voice.

Anyway a few of my male friends are turning in those player hats (heck even some girlfriends of mine). They are tired of this crazy dating game, settling down for the one that brings them joy and sometimes throwing in the cards cost a price. Some friends won’t and don’t want to understand. They are steadily tripping because they feel as if you are leaving them out in the cold. You don’t hang out in the clubs as much or at all, you prefer a lounge with a nice drink and conversation, your shirts aren’t as fitting but you still look good, etc. Men don’t deal with this as much (at least I haven’t seen the cattiness).

But even for dudes they get the locked down jokes. Okay so what you’d rather hang out with the wife instead of drinking brews with your friends. You start hanging out with men who are married like you and are done with clubbing and trying to get numbers at the end of the night. Sometimes friendships will come to an end. Paths won’t connect because a party doesn’t want to let you go and if you love that man or woman then you have two choices. Tell them I’m sorry but I’d rather go club hopping and hang out with my peeps or make your friends understand that this is a new chapter in your life. Either deal with it or don’t.

I’m personally happy for a few of my friends that are all in love, making strides to walk down the aisle sooner than later because when I see them with their partner I see nothing but love. We still hang out with each other and even go out. But I’ve grown as a person too; I don’t like the loud clubs as much. I like to chill over the weekend. Go listen to a live band, open mic, etc. I even love going over my friends houses that are married and have kids (I swear they throw the best bar b ques and get togethers). Secretly they are an inspiration to me as I see a whole family get down and have fun but still want to involve their friends in their life.
Turning in your players’ hat, cards, black books, and everything is fine. It’s a signal that you are growing up and want to take life to the next stage and this time with someone who you honestly love with all your heart.

As one of the pastors used to say in church back in Dallas. “All you single people who have friends getting married don’t hate…motivate!” Everyone would crack up but he had a good point. Look to them as a source of preparing for your future and if you are a good friend then let them go and be with their loved one and not cause any drama. Appreciate that your player friend has handed in his/her badge and said…I’m done.

Ancestors Voice

Peace and love peeps. I'm back, I've been out of commission for a while but wanted to spread some wisdom today. Be blessed.

My face may look young
But my tongue
Speaks knowledge like the elders
As I stood on their shoulders
Walking in their footprints
As an elder came from behind me and told me…
Shut your mouth with all that talking and just listen
Shush chile...and listen to me
As she told me stories about our forefathers, foremothers, Queens and Kings
She took her hand and reached back into time
Telling me stories of the ancestors that blessed me
She told me stories of how we were snatched away in the dead of night as they awaited their sentencing to slavery
Goree Island is the name and for specific reasoning
My people were raped, beaten and murdered
She took a finger and played with the sand as I saw visions of people crying and dying
Those are my ancestors, the ones who shoulders I stand on
Footprints I step into
The mysterious lady waved her hand and we forwarded into time
As I now saw King preaching about the mountain top and Malcolm X fighting for equality
I got up to look closer and I saw legends singing about justice like Bob Marley
All dying way before their time
They died for us
They died for us
People wake up and look into your past to build for the future
Sitting all comfortable thinking we are equal
Hmmph that is bull
We still have a ways to go…
Secret segregation in our schools, no books and no tools to teach our children
The future
I am no damn fool
Racial profiling as I am not smiling when the cops pull me over for doing five over the speed…limit
Our ancestors and those before us fought for us…but wake up people because we have a ways to go
I stared into the eyes of my new found friend, tears streamed down her face
She said, “Honey chile I am happy but I am so sad. Our people are so complacent, so aggravated, and some not making any attempts to make a change. Will you help lead our people into the valley? Help them make a difference in their life and the future?”
I promised to her I will do all I can do to lead the people
Making a difference in my community
Stop being comfortable and make some moves
Unplug your ears and open your eyes and see what is on the horizon
Just wake up and listen…

Something Old and Something New...

When I was in Girl Scouts there was a song we sang every week:
“Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
And the other is gold.”

But is it the same for love? What if you were used to dating a certain type of man or woman and all of a sudden your eyes were opened to something new. A couple of weeks ago I watched the movie, “Something New.” No matter how many times I watch it I fall more in love with it. It also showed me things that we deal with in society about how people are indirectly prejudice. They would prefer to date a black man as Sanaa Lathan stated in the movie but your king could be standing right in front of you and could be of another race. Would you turn your head the other direction and keep looking for something that you think is good for you but may not.

I also had a discussion with a dear friend of mine (male) that has a list/criteria for his future wife as Sanaa’s character (Kenya) did in the movie. I understand that we all have a hidden list but something you may miss out if your list gets a little too long. I’m not saying settle but what if your future wife in his case has a master’s degree but not from a particular school as my friend stated. Would he still turn the cheek and keep finding the woman of his dreams with a particular education?
I used to be that woman with the criteria and a laundry list of do’s and don’ts. One of my preferences on my list was dating or marrying a brother (black man). As life has unfolded my list is getting shorter. Okay so I will date someone 5’10” instead of the 6’ feet and over rule now, or someone who doesn’t have a masters like me or a man who is not a 9-5 guy but a hard working man.

Living in Dallas made me open my eyes as I met a couple of guys that I would never think I had anything in common with because I was coming off as a Kenya McQueen from the movie. As I got to know them I liked what I experienced. It was something new for me and a few of my friends as we get older really want at the end of the day a good man. Someone who takes care of his household, spiritual, knows who God (or your specific creator) is and what He has done for him, goals, dreams, ambitions and loves his family. Not a lot to ask for. But notice how race wasn’t in there, height (even though I still love them tall), or a 9-5 person.

I discovered that spirits need to connect and sometimes you may have a 9-5 job and he doesn’t (vice versa), nor he or she might not have graduated from an Ivy League school (so what), but ask yourself as Heavy D did in a song back in the day, “Is it good to you?”

Do you get that feeling that you can tear down the walls and truly be the person you are around this person? No hiding or making yourself into something you’re not because of fear that he or she will break out. Can you look them in the eye and say to yourself, “Okay so what he is an inch shorter than me…I love him so much and I’m blessed to have him.” Do you care about going out and when people ask you what he does for a living and you answer, “He’s a professional landscaper (landscape architect) that loves planting flowers.” Also are you willing to take that step out your box and date outside of your race?

I’m bringing this up because as I said I had a wakeup call before I left Dallas, TX. The man has it going on, no he’s not a 9-5 cat and he absolutely loves what he does. I told him he is deserving of a woman that will love what he does as well as his talents will mesmerize anyone. Really open and what I truly appreciate about him is that he laid it all out on the table. Everything…good and bad. I told him I truly respect him because not every man nor woman will put themselves completely out there. In other words he is giving you the choice to see him naked and you gotta love that about him. At least I do.

So we are great friends, but I thank him for opening up my eyes. One never knows where something new will come from and when it does be open to accept it because you may ask God for that good woman or man and He will give them to you. But if your eyes are closed then you may miss the gift because he/she may be of a different race and may not fit your long lengthy list of criteria. Are you going to be like Kenya McQueen in the move (played by Sanaa Lathan) and go after her heart (Brian) played by Simon Baker and love or do what she could have done…date a guy (played by Blair Underwood) because he fits your whole list but you don’t have one ounce of connectivity.

Something new to think about…