Grateful

Drawing by Samax Amen

I decided to write a list of why I am so grateful. I look at life through a different lens between losing my mother in 2010, rocky relationships, having Lyme Disease and even through the best of times as I became a mother, have a closer relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, finished writing books, being published in numerous anthologies and being loved by many. On this last day of 2013 I reflected on a lot of these areas and came up with this list. Maybe before the New Year rings in you too can write a list that consists of positivity so you can end the year on right note. Peace and blessings.

• Having a closer relationship with God. I thought my relationship became closer after I lost my sister Ayana in 2007 and my Mom in 2010 but after the many trials I have faced I feel even closer to Him and more in line with all that He wants and needs me to do.

• My son means the world to me and I thank God for him everyday. He has seen me through some great moments and some dark and dismal times. We went from running in the park, going to African dance class, open mics to being in an IV room twice a week. He was with me 95% of the time in regards to coming with me to various appointments and his smile is contagious. No matter how I felt...he would look over at me and his smile would shine like the sun. Children are walking angels and I could not imagine my life without him.

• Surrounded by loving family and friends. Some went to many extremes to care for me and showed me that even in the darkest hour they would never leave me and I thank them for that always. I thank God for new friends that entered my life. He always plants people in your life when you need them and He will even remove folks who you don't need around. Their chapter in my book of life has ended and that is fine. Folks go down different paths and through prayer I have learned to accept it.

• My medical team is dynamic and full of faith! It's one thing to have a good doctor...it's another to have great doctors that truly care about you. Ones that will email and call just to see if I am okay and have seen me in the deepst part of the woods and now helping me recover as I am exiting out of the wilderness. They are blessings and I love each of them.

• Through these trying times I have had a job. Thankful for employment during this economy. I've been guilty of complaining but to have a job and great benefits is amazing during these times.

• God does answer prayers...and He has and still is answering mine daily. I'm so grateful for His love and for my healing to take place and the restoration. It's only a matter of time before I am totally restored.

• Call me Joseph from the bible. My dreams have been very vivid and to see some of them come to life or to see what is ahead for us in the future makes me excited. It's a gift...not everyone has the gift of sight through dreams or believes in it...well I do and God I say thank you. As my pastors said, "The best is yet to come."

• My beautiful church home, Ebenezer AME in Ft. Washington, MD. There are not enough words to describe how much I love my church family. They are a praying church and every time I go, people are praying for us...make us feel welcome, have helped us financially, you name it...they were there. I can't wait to become a member of a couple of ministries so I can pay it forward and help others.

• The Healing Well forum...that is a second family to me. We will all beat this horrid Lyme Disease. I'm grateful to have made friendships, met a few in person and we help each other out through advice, a shoulder to cry on, drive each other to appointments, doctor referrals and have done it all with love! I love the ones who are healed that come back to share their testimonies!!!! Y'all are awesome!

• To my heavenly ancestors that have passed away and watch over us every minute of the day. I have a powerhouse ancestor team up there. My parents are always with us...next to us. They watch over my son when he is sleeping and when we are away from one another. All of my ancestors...I love you and as we say in the West African tradition, "Ase...Ase...Ase."

Everyone be blessed and have a great New Year! 2014 will be our year of recovery whether it is health, finances, love, jobs, whatever you lost...we will recover it ALL!

We Shall Meet Again

Mommy African Dancing at Chief Bey's Tribute 1979

A co worker gave me a prayer book last year right after Mommy passed away. Out of all of the prayers this one stuck out to me and it read:

May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm on your face
The rain fall softly on your fields
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of His hand

Irish Blessing...Author Unknown

This blessing/prayer sits on my dresser and I read it from time to time reminding me that although we lost my mother Marguerite "Sauti" Wills a year ago on February 19th, 2010 to Ovarian cancer that she is in heaven and prayed this prayer for myself, family and loved ones she left behind.

I can't believe a year has gone by and one of my mother's good friends from Philadelphia told me in April 2010 for me to get ready because Sauti is about to rearrange your life in such a way. She now has the power to bless her family divinely and doesn't want to see you struggle any more.

I respect this man's opinion as he is a very spiritual brother and since Mom has transitioned to being an ancestor, my life every month, every day, every hour, every second is being rearranged for the better. Although she is gone I feel her every day and I know she is with me and will never leave my side nor my family. Even friends have felt her presence.

I've been through quite a few trials and tribulations since her death but towards the end of 2010 I felt them break. I've been blessed and they just keep coming. I feel my strength returning and my passions growing. I had to clean house because some people just couldn't walk the same path or journey with me. Although it hurt...it hurt me more to know how people can only be there when the sun is shining and not when the storm has hit. It's hurtful even when people are there in your life and they try to turn it even more upside down but yet they claim they are there for you. Although scary, I had to clean house and my path has been a bit straighter since. I learned all of this through the wisdom and love of my mother. She taught to take risks and she left me with the words of, "I want you to be happy."

To my sweet Iya Sauti, I miss you more then I can ever explain. I can write poems, articles and books about you and it still wouldn't say enough. Losing you has left a void in my heart that no one can fill but somehow you taught me that although a heart can be heavy that there is still room for love and to love and live life to the fullest. Grieving won't last always but missing you will. Ase to you...ase, ase, ase.

(Ase *Ah-shay* in the West African culture is said when we give thanks and praise our ancestors).

May peace be with each of you on this day.

Ancestors Voice

Peace and love peeps. I'm back, I've been out of commission for a while but wanted to spread some wisdom today. Be blessed.

My face may look young
But my tongue
Speaks knowledge like the elders
As I stood on their shoulders
Walking in their footprints
As an elder came from behind me and told me…
Shut your mouth with all that talking and just listen
Shush chile...and listen to me
As she told me stories about our forefathers, foremothers, Queens and Kings
She took her hand and reached back into time
Telling me stories of the ancestors that blessed me
She told me stories of how we were snatched away in the dead of night as they awaited their sentencing to slavery
Goree Island is the name and for specific reasoning
My people were raped, beaten and murdered
She took a finger and played with the sand as I saw visions of people crying and dying
Those are my ancestors, the ones who shoulders I stand on
Footprints I step into
The mysterious lady waved her hand and we forwarded into time
As I now saw King preaching about the mountain top and Malcolm X fighting for equality
I got up to look closer and I saw legends singing about justice like Bob Marley
All dying way before their time
They died for us
They died for us
People wake up and look into your past to build for the future
Sitting all comfortable thinking we are equal
Hmmph that is bull
We still have a ways to go…
Secret segregation in our schools, no books and no tools to teach our children
The future
I am no damn fool
Racial profiling as I am not smiling when the cops pull me over for doing five over the speed…limit
Our ancestors and those before us fought for us…but wake up people because we have a ways to go
I stared into the eyes of my new found friend, tears streamed down her face
She said, “Honey chile I am happy but I am so sad. Our people are so complacent, so aggravated, and some not making any attempts to make a change. Will you help lead our people into the valley? Help them make a difference in their life and the future?”
I promised to her I will do all I can do to lead the people
Making a difference in my community
Stop being comfortable and make some moves
Unplug your ears and open your eyes and see what is on the horizon
Just wake up and listen…