Talking Drums

Last Thursday was my Mom's birthday and in African dance class through Coyaba Dance Theater in DC they dedicated the class in her memory and at the end I sat in front of the room as the entire class encircled me and danced for me and Mom.

It was so beautiful as the drums grew louder more and more of my sistas and brother's did solo's. We celebrated her life and my teacher's daughter's birthday as well. Her daughter cried and said she felt the love between Mom and I and even her presence in the room that day. From the mouths of babes.

In honor of Dance Africa kicking off this weekend in Brooklyn, NY I dedicate this poem to the dancers, drummers, musicians, artists, teachers, costume designers...everyone that embraces the African culture and traditions.

Talking Drums

Hands hitting the djembe drum
Arms flay in the air up and down
Like a bird flaps its wings
Talking drums shaking the stress and tension off of me
Conga drums shouting my name
Dun Dun drums playing a game
In my soul as it smiles
Dancing on my feet
Jumping in mid air
Loving me
Head bobbing up and down
Dipping down to the ground as if I’m picking food for the harvest
Ancestors surrounding me
Telling me I’ve won
And done my bid of being sick, depressed, heartbroken, stressed and hurt
Dance child
The drums are now shouting old sayings,
“If you can talk you can sing, if you can walk then you can dance”
Skipping around in a circle feeling too damn good
Everything I went through, all my battles, stir crazy thoughts, dreadful relationships, family lost
Now I can celebrate
Times that were once my most down points
Deep as the ocean floor
Built the bridge for me
Piece by piece
Wooden plank by plank
So I could once again dance
Laugh
Grin
Smile
Knees to the ground as I give praise to the talking drums
Hands to my chest
Swaying them out again to the drums
Back and forth the drums talk louder to me
Telling me to praise Him because I made it
I regained momentum and speed
Spirit awakened
Dreams lived
Glass that was stained is clear
Mind is no longer in mental bondage
Tears have faded to the back
Hurt is let go
Turning in circles with my arms wide open
Feet moving a mile a minute
African dancing
Movements passed onto me from generation to generation
Exhaling and inhaling
Sweat pouring off my body
Exalted praise I give thee
Talk to me…
Beat those drums…
Shout and tell me to dance more…
Talking drums playing the beats and rhythms
Until I’m sore
Sankofa bird come down on me
Grant me with wisdom
Learning lessons from my past to help build my future
You gave me back my mother
My life
My future
My mind
Rebuilt my foundation from the ground up
The foundation that I now dance on
Drums are a talking…
Play those bata drums
Djembe, my friend conga, bang on the cowbell
Let me dance some more
Until I can’t dance no more

Written By: Serena Wills

February 8th, 2010

Copyright Serena Wills 2010

Sound of Your Voice

Mom's birthday is Thursday, May 20th and on the cold and rainy days especially I miss talking to her. We would talk daily about everything to nothing. Dedicated to those who are missing their loved ones and conversations that can never be replaced.

Sound of Your Voice

The sound of your voice
Calmed me in the midst of a storm
Be soothing during a cry when I just couldn't take it anymore
Loving sense of always knowing when I needed an, "I love you and that's all I called for."
Courageous in tone when I needed to get up...stand up after taking a hard fall
You always knew what to say
How to say it
When to say it
Timing was always appropriate
Sick sense would kick in
Not understanding how you always knew
Ears could hear miles away when I lied because I didn't want to worry you
Caught in a lie again when you would say, "You're not alright...talk to me."
Letting go as either the rage from being done wrong to a simple missing you from living so far
Somehow...some way...you always knew when I had to hear your voice
I long for our daily calls, laughs, tears shed and even silence between us on the phone
Pouring out tears for you as I can't have those days any more
Voice sang to my spirit every single day
Although I miss those days I'm so blessed to have had them in the first place
Today I heard the wind chimes clang as the breeze blew through my window
I know it’s you as you stopped by
To say, "I came by to say I love you."
Yet I can't see you, but I do feel you
And hear your gentle whispers as I lift my hands high to praise Him for the love we shared
Blowing kisses to heaven saying, "Mama...I love you too."
Sound of your sweet voice was music to my spirit and soul
Calling me right in the nick of time...

Written By: Serena Wills
May 16th, 2010

Copyright Serena Wills 2010

Painting By Soukaa, "Queen of Sorrow"

Southern Days with Old Friends

Back in March I attended a beautiful wedding. This one will always remain close to my heart as I saw two good friends from college unite as one. It came shortly after Mom passed away and at a time when I thought I would never smile again...I ended up rejoicing. Thanking God for their "I Do's" and knowing that love can strike at any time.

It was also a grand time with old friends as we all chatted about back in the days and how we are living life now...enjoy my poem, be blessed and love one another.



Southern Days with Old Friends

Cotton balls
Hanging out of the crystal blue sky
Breeze brushing across my face
Feeling spirits surrounding me
Gracing me with their presence
Smiling down like the sun shining on flowers in need of light
Blue bells dancing in the wind
Jazz music infused through the air
Of Charleston, SC
Lightening bugs flashing their bulbs in the midst of the night
Old friends laughing about college days and joy that life brings
Dancing with that crush from years ago
Southern accents that end with sweetie, honey or sugar plum...
Molasses on warm biscuits
Cheese grits and catfish warm my belly
Naps in the hammock from a full day of straight relaxing
With old friends, that can never be replaced
As we laughed and laughed and laughed about the easy days
Good times when we were all debt free
What was once serious is now petty beef
Making amends as we hit the streets
Of the deep south
Reuniting as we witness the union of two great friends as they say their vows
Funny how God works because in a time of grieving I'm rejoicing as they sashay into the reception hall
Never thought I'd smile again but how can I not grin as old friends and I dance the night away
Saying good bye the next day was bitter sweet
Back to our lives that await as some of get ready to hit the grind in the mean streets
Pure memories of a weekend with old friends, uniting in the south
Tickle my humor on those gloomy days
Remembering the tears of joy from the bride remind me of the old saying that, "Joy comes in the morning."
Watching a brotha friend of mine tie the knot screams inspiration to me
Waiting on God to wrap up molding my future Valentine
My, my, my...how I smile reflecting on a beautiful day in sunny South Carolina
Where the worries and emotions of my world temporarily came to a stop
Chilling with old friends, made some new...unity as one
As we witnessed a union stated by God when He granted favor on the new husband and wife

Dedicated to Dr. and Mrs. Adolphus Belk, Jr.

Written on March 14th and completed on May 3rd, 2010

Copy written by Law Serena Wills 2010

Ode to Hip Hop

Dedicated to Guru, his family and all those real hip hop lovers. God bless.

Ode to Hip Hop
Hip hop
Loving da' flow
Beats jumping into my soul
From old to new school
You know how it goes
Hip hop
Founded in Africa
Traveled miles to the Boogie Down Bronx
Drums and tunes were the unspoken heard of our ancestors
Djembes to Lauren
African dance steps to break dancers
Elders telling stories to peeps rapping about pushing me to close to the edge
Jumping back like punks jump up to get a beat down
Astounded
By the decades of the continuous verbal infusion
Somewhat lost in this new generation
We once talked about something
And that turned into nuthin'
Peeps rapping about mess like gold chains, women and chrome rims
We need to get back to basics
Hip hop lives
Through the people like Guru, Mos Def, Common...Sense, Run DMC, LL and Sugar Hill
To the divas like Queen Latifah, MC Lyte and Salt and Pepa
Underground like the railroad where you will hear artists like J-Live, Asheru and Playdough
We are hip hop
Spoken word artists, b-girls, dj's and all
I breathe in trueness everyday
And not that whack ish that gets radio play
I am hip hop and it lives in me
Style of my clothes, language I speak...the culture
Next time you write that whack lyric think...is this what the ancestors would have said?
Teach the babies something to live for
Instead of those non substance lyrics you spit
Educate through the power of rhymes
Communicate through your dance movements
Recreate a system by reaching out to our kids and generations that will soon come
Called hip hop
Hip hop
Hip hop
Hip...hop

Written: March 11th, 2010 at 9:25pm

Station 9 in DC...artist on the mic "Asheru"

Mood...iiiight

Silent Tears

I never posted this poem on my blog. Mom reassured me that I was going to be okay even though I silently cried at her bedside. There are nights and days where the tears just flow and you know what...I let them because it's cleansing my soul. Dedicated to those who have silent tears and have been to the place I've been. The painting is by my friend Soukaa, an artist out of Dallas, TX.

Silent tears
Streak my face
Creating a puddle of water in my lap
Deep breaths as I let out shrieks of pain
Grieving untamed
Falling to my knees
Screaming please
Please...
Come back to me
Alas in the stillness of the night
Begging and pleading
Reasoning with God
I tried to tell Him
"We had plans my man and now my mother has been taken away from me."
Shoulders hunched over
Arms wrapped around my stomach
Releasing my mourning and aches that are trapped within
Mourning over Mama
Thought she would make it
Instead God turned the clock forward
Minutes passed by and moments are unclear
Surreal that she's gone
Phone silent
No more ringing in the middle of the night
Ever since my mother walked into the light
Thinking back to the day
When she smiled at me to say
"I love you and you'll be okay"
Not comprehending
Riddles she made
But as I pieced everything together I finally was aware
She was preparing me
Always a mother even after the last breath
Worried about my family
Reassuring her we'll keep each other lifted as God covers us like a blanket on a cold winter day
Fast forward to now
Visions of your smile
Dancing in heavens clouds
Brings joy to my saddened heart
Comforted by your spiritual presence that surrounds me day in and day out
Even the times when I shout
"Mama where are you!"
I'm reminded as I feel a gentle touch that rubs my back
And a whisper...I'm right here baby girl
Mama you will always be with me
And I will be with you too
My sorrow is raw
Emotions crashing like waves against a mountains wall
Rescue me from this grief
Send me a sign
That you're thinking of me too
Figuring out my next steps and what God has ordered for me to do
Except the only thing missing physically is you
Gazing into the dark night
Blurred vision from tears
Praying to God to heal my family and me too
Sending a message to you
Through prayers and thoughts
Mom I love you
Honored that God chose me to be birthed through you
One courageous, bold, voicetrous and loving woman
Your legacy will be kept alive and promises I made to you will be kept
Loving you...always...dear mama
Silent tears fall as I grieve

Ase to you...

Copyright Serena Wills 2010

Pain

As I read the story of Paul and how he had a thorn in his side and was always in pain it reminded me of the aches I feel at times in my heart about Mom being gone. I wrote this a couple of weeks ago on a rainy afternoon. Be blessed and know that we all go through pain, but pray as I am that God will heal it in His time. He will shower down on me and my family as Earnest Pugh sings in his song. Peace.

Pain

Healing relieves me of pain
But makes more room for more
Empty space begins to fill with feelings of breathing easy, less crying and hopes of nothing else trying
Happening to me
It seems as though when the pain of a loved ones death, broken relationship, hateful job has subsided
The devil gives you more
Nights are suddenly occupied again with misty eyes, palpitating heart and no rest
Managing the loss of my sister I thought would never come
2.5 years later now my mother is gone
Like an open wound that never healed right
Reopened as it hurts like never before
I never thought I would be a motherless child physically
So soon
Down one sister, father, papa and now mama
God I don't know how much more I can take
Please forsake me if I've ever done anything to you to make me go through this
I thought it was the devil as I felt the pain in my side like the story of Paul
Not understanding why you took my Iya so soon
Reliving everything I've done wrong to see why I'm being punished
I'm not a bad person
Pastor told me the thorn you feel is keeping you humble, the greater the pain the bigger your anointing that God will bless you
Shaking my head as I steadily wipe the constant stream of tears from my face
Why me God...why us
Family going nuts because now Mom has left us
Praying for more healing, as the minutes, hours, days and now weeks go by
Dreaming about Mom at night hoping when I wake up its all a lie
That she will call and say, "Baby I'm home."
Alas when I pick up the phone I hear the message that the phone is now disconnected
God give me understanding, knowing that in the end this will all make sense
For now I have to come to grips
With Mama's death
Healing relieves pain
Sometimes it makes room for more
Standing on my faith
Asking God for strength
Everlasting guidance since He gave me my own personal guardian angel
Leaning into your spiritual arms Mama
Missing you
Praying that my healing comes and pain will be subdued
Hoping in time it will be easier to manage
The pain of losing you...

Written By: Serena Wills

March.23.10

Rainy day

Mom is Smiling and Dancing in the Heavens

This is what I wrote for my mother's funeral. I have to share with the world the great woman she was physically and now that she is in the heavens she's on a higher plain and is smiling and dancing. The picture of her is from the 70's at a show. She was in shape and this was a pic taken after she had me! Amazing!

Life With Marguerite "Sauti" Wills

Marguerite Teresa Ann Wills was born May 20th, 1949 in Jamaica, NY.
Born to the late Mr. Lawrence Wills Sr. and Mrs. Bernice Wills they were
more than tickled to receive such a blessing from God. She was a loving
sister as she was the oldest of five children. Throughout her childhood she
stayed active through dance where she took up ballet, tap and jazz at
Bernice Johnson Dance School. She also took up modeling as she enjoyed
being in numerous shows.

After she graduated from St. Michael High School in Brooklyn, NY in
1967 a shift occurred. She said between the African drums that called her
down the hall after she took ballet and the liberation movement of our
people began to transform her. Working at Green Lantern she helped out
with free lunch programs and assisted organizations such as the Black
Panther’s to help teach our children about equality and to fight for the Civil
Rights Movement. After cutting out the perm she received the name
“Sauti” which means “Voice” in Swahili as she always spoke the
knowledge of elders and advocated for what was right.

She began to dance and do lighting through the “International Afrikan
American Ballet” and they performed in the first “Dance Africa” in the
1970’s both she and the nonprofit dance troupe performed or what we call,
“Tearing up the stage” all over the state and they even ventured out to
places such as Canada. Now 30+ years later Dance Africa is known all
over the world and “Sauti” can smile down and say, “I was in the first
show.”

One day she danced and began to feel a bit tired only to discover she was
pregnant. She danced until it was time to give birth to Serena Theresa Wills
in 1975. She became a homemaker and put all her efforts into taking care
of her daughter and still was active in the ballet.

Her life then took on another shift as God called her to work with children
in need. Her sister Doretha Washington was diagnosed with AIDS in 1983
but delivered a beautiful daughter named Ayana. Marguerite stepped up to
the plate and said, “I’ll take her home.”

The doctors said Ayana wouldn’t see the age of 1. Because of Marguerite’s
constant love, attention to all of her medical conditions such as severe brain
damage, scoliosis, under developed organs Ayana didn’t pass away until 24 in
2007.

Marguerite instilled her beliefs into her daughter Serena and as she
volunteered through her high school at Terrance Cardinal Cooke in
Harlem. There Serena met Christina. Born in 1989 to a crack addicted
mother she was brought to the facility where they thought she would die or
be severely brain damaged because of the drugs in her mother’s system.
After a few visits Marguerite couldn’t bear to leave her in the facility and
adopted her in 1993. Christina was diagnosed as Autistic and is now 20 years old
and is “Nana’s Little Helper.”

She was an advocate for children that had special needs and always
envisioned opening up a group home for more children. She tried to get a
program but alas the state made major cuts. She continued to care for her
children and stayed fighting for their rights. Anyone could tell you that
Marguerite’s African name “Sauti” was appropriately given to her as she
never backed down and in the end she won.

The last turn of her path was when she was diagnosed on August 10th,
2009 with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer that had spread to her stomach. Her
determination to live went on for months. Not understanding why at first;
she knew at the end as she smiles down on us. Her last task on earth was to
reunite her family and make it known that tomorrow isn’t promised. She
cracked jokes, was always friendly with the nurses and doctors,
understood every medical term they gave her and never complained. Her
journey ended on Friday, February 19th, 2010 at the age of 60 years old.

There isn’t enough room on the page to describe her as she ended up
touching the lives of many people. She always told her daughter Serena,
“No matter what you do in life, I’ll always be proud of you as long as you are happy and apply yourself.”

Marguerite “Sauti” Wills is survived by her mother Bernice Wills, two
siblings Hilda Douglas, Lawrence “Larry” Wills, Jr., two children Serena
T. Wills and Christina S. Wills, brother in law Kirk Douglas and sister in
law Annette Wills, three nephews Christopher Douglas, Tyler Wills and
Bryce Wills and a host of family and friends. Marguerite has a special
place in heaven and is on the hilltop looking down at us smiling saying, “I
made it home.”