White Candles



Mom African Dancing in 1979



Second Mother's Day without my sweet mother and I'm surviving. One day at a time and sometimes one moment. Let peace enter your heart and begin to heal as I've done. It's so hard, but I'm getting there and for those out there that have lost their sweet mothers or other women in their lives...let the healing begin. Pull out old pictures, laugh at the sweet memories shared and smile because you had a loving mother. May peace be with you.

White Candles


White candles burn

Sweet aroma throughout my house

Vanilla, gardenia, jasmine and white rose

Cleansing as it leaves a calm that was lost months ago

Glow from the flame gives my spirit light

Ancestor’s are lifted

Flickering in the still of the night

Crackling sounds of the wick is all I hear through the dark

White candles give me peace and hope like a dove that flies through the sky

On my knees praying as I place white flowers next to the smiling faces in pictures of those lost

Remembering them through the gift of light of my burning candles

I soon reminisce about lessons learned

Mother taught me to never yearn for the dead

She said instead light beautiful white candles

Talk to those gone and they will be your listening ear

She also told me, “When I’m gone I’ll always be near to hear and guide you.”

I believe her and know that the light is shining through me as it burns

Symbolizing purity and peace

Something I never thought I would feel again or at least


For a long time to come

Simple things have helped me grieve

Although you had to leave

I will always talk to you day and night

Promising to you that one day I’ll feel joy

Calmness is building inside me

And one day…I’ll even feel as bright as the color white

My passion will be on fire again like the wick that burns

I promise you…one day…I’ll feel like those white candles

Written By: Serena T. Wills
 
Dedicated to My Sweet Mother Marguerite "Sauti" Wills May You Rest In Peace



On this Mother's Day This is Also Dedicated to All the Grandmothers, Mothers, Aunts and Women That Have Passed Away and Touched Our Lives. We Love and Miss You!

 

Copyright 2011 (All Rights Reserved)





We Shall Meet Again

Mommy African Dancing at Chief Bey's Tribute 1979

A co worker gave me a prayer book last year right after Mommy passed away. Out of all of the prayers this one stuck out to me and it read:

May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm on your face
The rain fall softly on your fields
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of His hand

Irish Blessing...Author Unknown

This blessing/prayer sits on my dresser and I read it from time to time reminding me that although we lost my mother Marguerite "Sauti" Wills a year ago on February 19th, 2010 to Ovarian cancer that she is in heaven and prayed this prayer for myself, family and loved ones she left behind.

I can't believe a year has gone by and one of my mother's good friends from Philadelphia told me in April 2010 for me to get ready because Sauti is about to rearrange your life in such a way. She now has the power to bless her family divinely and doesn't want to see you struggle any more.

I respect this man's opinion as he is a very spiritual brother and since Mom has transitioned to being an ancestor, my life every month, every day, every hour, every second is being rearranged for the better. Although she is gone I feel her every day and I know she is with me and will never leave my side nor my family. Even friends have felt her presence.

I've been through quite a few trials and tribulations since her death but towards the end of 2010 I felt them break. I've been blessed and they just keep coming. I feel my strength returning and my passions growing. I had to clean house because some people just couldn't walk the same path or journey with me. Although it hurt...it hurt me more to know how people can only be there when the sun is shining and not when the storm has hit. It's hurtful even when people are there in your life and they try to turn it even more upside down but yet they claim they are there for you. Although scary, I had to clean house and my path has been a bit straighter since. I learned all of this through the wisdom and love of my mother. She taught to take risks and she left me with the words of, "I want you to be happy."

To my sweet Iya Sauti, I miss you more then I can ever explain. I can write poems, articles and books about you and it still wouldn't say enough. Losing you has left a void in my heart that no one can fill but somehow you taught me that although a heart can be heavy that there is still room for love and to love and live life to the fullest. Grieving won't last always but missing you will. Ase to you...ase, ase, ase.

(Ase *Ah-shay* in the West African culture is said when we give thanks and praise our ancestors).

May peace be with each of you on this day.

Pain

As I read the story of Paul and how he had a thorn in his side and was always in pain it reminded me of the aches I feel at times in my heart about Mom being gone. I wrote this a couple of weeks ago on a rainy afternoon. Be blessed and know that we all go through pain, but pray as I am that God will heal it in His time. He will shower down on me and my family as Earnest Pugh sings in his song. Peace.

Pain

Healing relieves me of pain
But makes more room for more
Empty space begins to fill with feelings of breathing easy, less crying and hopes of nothing else trying
Happening to me
It seems as though when the pain of a loved ones death, broken relationship, hateful job has subsided
The devil gives you more
Nights are suddenly occupied again with misty eyes, palpitating heart and no rest
Managing the loss of my sister I thought would never come
2.5 years later now my mother is gone
Like an open wound that never healed right
Reopened as it hurts like never before
I never thought I would be a motherless child physically
So soon
Down one sister, father, papa and now mama
God I don't know how much more I can take
Please forsake me if I've ever done anything to you to make me go through this
I thought it was the devil as I felt the pain in my side like the story of Paul
Not understanding why you took my Iya so soon
Reliving everything I've done wrong to see why I'm being punished
I'm not a bad person
Pastor told me the thorn you feel is keeping you humble, the greater the pain the bigger your anointing that God will bless you
Shaking my head as I steadily wipe the constant stream of tears from my face
Why me God...why us
Family going nuts because now Mom has left us
Praying for more healing, as the minutes, hours, days and now weeks go by
Dreaming about Mom at night hoping when I wake up its all a lie
That she will call and say, "Baby I'm home."
Alas when I pick up the phone I hear the message that the phone is now disconnected
God give me understanding, knowing that in the end this will all make sense
For now I have to come to grips
With Mama's death
Healing relieves pain
Sometimes it makes room for more
Standing on my faith
Asking God for strength
Everlasting guidance since He gave me my own personal guardian angel
Leaning into your spiritual arms Mama
Missing you
Praying that my healing comes and pain will be subdued
Hoping in time it will be easier to manage
The pain of losing you...

Written By: Serena Wills

March.23.10

Rainy day

Divine Rebirth

This poem is a tribute to my mother, the late Marguerite "Sauti" Wills. She passed away on February 19, 2010 to Ovarian Cancer. May she rest in heavenly peace as her work here is done and God called her home. I wrote it as if I was in her shoes. Enjoy and be blessed.

Divine Rebirth

Earth Stood Still
Heavens Gates Opened
Cancer finally cured
Scared at first of the unknown
What lie ahead
Fighting for breath in my body
Saying good bye
Closed eyes once that lead to visions of more drugs, chemo, hateful needles and pain
Ability to walk was non existent
But this time
Oh this time
When I closed my eyes
I woke up to streets of gold, hugging my Daddy and my little girl as they greeted me
Feeling my full face, color restored, and my tight dancer calves have returned
I'm whole
Free
Smiled as I felt my beautiful natural hair
Daddy and Ayana led me to a shining light
Bright as it gleamed into what was once a dark sky
Huge arms were extended
Embracing me, rubbing my head as I hugged the Lord
He said, "Sauti...job well done. You carried enough crosses in your life time and now its time for you to rest."
Staring into the eyes of the great one I asked, "what about my loved ones, those left behind? How will they do?"
He raised his arms and clouds above Him displayed a picture perfect view
I saw my loved ones as they grieved over me
Tears of those who cared for me day in and day out
I reached out and then I realized my mother saw me, daughters were startled and siblings looking around
God said, "They felt your touch, talk to them and tell them grief will be brief and your mourning one day will be replaced with healing."
Whispering the tears of my mother was suddenly replaced with her genuine smile
Family now laughing about the good times that were had
Gates now opened and God said, "Rest for there is some work to do...time to move road blocks, barriers, and clear storms."
Rearrange their lives so they can live comfortably
Bless the doctors and nurses that cared for you
All those you touched for its their turn to be blessed in return
I smiled and when I went to walk away the huge arm extended to me again
"I ask you though to do one last favor for me? Go down the road into the house on the hilltop and be happy with what you see."
Guardian angels led me to the house and there I saw old relatives, and friends
Drums started beating, awakening my spirit as I danced like I was back with International
Celebrating my rebirth of eternal life
All day I praised Him and then in the corner I saw babies cooing and playing
I knelt down to play with two and saw me in them
Confused I asked Ayana, "Who's children are they?"
She smiled and said, "Meet your grands, you must spend time with them and prepare them for that magical journey"
I picked up my babies and was led into a majestic room in the back accented with silver and gold.
A huge bed and a view of the valley
Papa tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Marguerite, kick your feet up, rest up and welcome home."
It felt good to lay down after 20+ years, no worries for I will take care of my family from afar, playing with my cooing grands
Feet kicked up, being fed by ancestors past
I'm at peace, no more suffering, yelling ouch when you roll me, no more memory lapse due to chemotherapy
Don't mourn for I live on a hilltop, my special place picked out by God
Resting...finally...eternally

Written By: Serena Wills

Mommy, its time for you to rest, I love you and will miss you very much. Ase Iya Sauti, Ase to the ancestors that greeted you in the heavens, Ase, Ase, Ase

Abundant Love...Happy Mother's Day!

Hello everyone and Happy Mother's Day to the Mothers, Grandmothers, Aunts, Sisters, Godmothers and all women who impact or have impacted childrens lives!!!! It's because of the strong women such as yourselves that we are encouraged as a people to move forward and give back to the next generation.

This poem is dedicated to all those women and especially to my diamond, my love, my Iya, Marguerite "Sauti" Wills. The picture on the left is from 1984 when she brought home my sister Ayana from the hospital. She is so loving that she opened up her heart and home to adopt Ayana and my youngest sister Christina! I love you Ma!




Abundant Love

Her touch and embrace
As she wiped the tears from my face
Holding me tightly whispering, “It’s going to be okay”
Cleaning the dirt away from my scars
I remember those days
When Mama would make everything feel like brand new
Between cuts, scrapes, bruises on my skin from falling on my knees yet again
Mom has a tender touch as she told me to hold on tight
The sudden burn disappeared as Bactine was sprayed on my wound
In between sobs saying, thank you Mommy
Always wiping away the pain whether it was a scrape on my elbow
Or another love that didn’t go
In the direction that I thought it would be
Times when I couldn’t understand what was happening to me
Laughing now cause I was going through mere puberty
Causing her drama
But all mama could say was
Everything is going to be okay
Mothers have a way with words like no other
To this day I’m amazed of your strength and often wonder
How did we make it through
I love you
For being my warrior, knight in shining armor, pillars in my temple
Tending to my every sniffle, sneeze, fever, body ache and shiver
Raising all three on faith, hope, love
Reminding me that we were no one’s charity case
I still hold tight to the memories
How you struggled to raise us
Yet no matter what jokes were made by cruel kids my age
You would stroke my cheek and say
Better days are coming our way
Somehow you managed to pull another smile out of me
Mama, my Iya, Sauti my love
I can say on and on how much I love and adore you
Worship the ground you walk on and I feel
It still wouldn’t be enough
Relationship like no other
Blessed to call and have you as my mother
God had a master plan and although times were tough
You made it work for us
And this Mothers day
I salute you and every other mother
By simply stating, I love you

Happy Mother’s Day!

Copyright 2009 Serena Wills

All Rights are Reserved