Grateful

Drawing by Samax Amen

I decided to write a list of why I am so grateful. I look at life through a different lens between losing my mother in 2010, rocky relationships, having Lyme Disease and even through the best of times as I became a mother, have a closer relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, finished writing books, being published in numerous anthologies and being loved by many. On this last day of 2013 I reflected on a lot of these areas and came up with this list. Maybe before the New Year rings in you too can write a list that consists of positivity so you can end the year on right note. Peace and blessings.

• Having a closer relationship with God. I thought my relationship became closer after I lost my sister Ayana in 2007 and my Mom in 2010 but after the many trials I have faced I feel even closer to Him and more in line with all that He wants and needs me to do.

• My son means the world to me and I thank God for him everyday. He has seen me through some great moments and some dark and dismal times. We went from running in the park, going to African dance class, open mics to being in an IV room twice a week. He was with me 95% of the time in regards to coming with me to various appointments and his smile is contagious. No matter how I felt...he would look over at me and his smile would shine like the sun. Children are walking angels and I could not imagine my life without him.

• Surrounded by loving family and friends. Some went to many extremes to care for me and showed me that even in the darkest hour they would never leave me and I thank them for that always. I thank God for new friends that entered my life. He always plants people in your life when you need them and He will even remove folks who you don't need around. Their chapter in my book of life has ended and that is fine. Folks go down different paths and through prayer I have learned to accept it.

• My medical team is dynamic and full of faith! It's one thing to have a good doctor...it's another to have great doctors that truly care about you. Ones that will email and call just to see if I am okay and have seen me in the deepst part of the woods and now helping me recover as I am exiting out of the wilderness. They are blessings and I love each of them.

• Through these trying times I have had a job. Thankful for employment during this economy. I've been guilty of complaining but to have a job and great benefits is amazing during these times.

• God does answer prayers...and He has and still is answering mine daily. I'm so grateful for His love and for my healing to take place and the restoration. It's only a matter of time before I am totally restored.

• Call me Joseph from the bible. My dreams have been very vivid and to see some of them come to life or to see what is ahead for us in the future makes me excited. It's a gift...not everyone has the gift of sight through dreams or believes in it...well I do and God I say thank you. As my pastors said, "The best is yet to come."

• My beautiful church home, Ebenezer AME in Ft. Washington, MD. There are not enough words to describe how much I love my church family. They are a praying church and every time I go, people are praying for us...make us feel welcome, have helped us financially, you name it...they were there. I can't wait to become a member of a couple of ministries so I can pay it forward and help others.

• The Healing Well forum...that is a second family to me. We will all beat this horrid Lyme Disease. I'm grateful to have made friendships, met a few in person and we help each other out through advice, a shoulder to cry on, drive each other to appointments, doctor referrals and have done it all with love! I love the ones who are healed that come back to share their testimonies!!!! Y'all are awesome!

• To my heavenly ancestors that have passed away and watch over us every minute of the day. I have a powerhouse ancestor team up there. My parents are always with us...next to us. They watch over my son when he is sleeping and when we are away from one another. All of my ancestors...I love you and as we say in the West African tradition, "Ase...Ase...Ase."

Everyone be blessed and have a great New Year! 2014 will be our year of recovery whether it is health, finances, love, jobs, whatever you lost...we will recover it ALL!

A Simple Thanks

It's been a while since I've posted anything on my blog. A lot has transpired in my life and I felt compelled to share with everyone that reads my work. Last year I was let go from my full time job and my last day was June 30, 2011. It's been a challenging time but despite everything I've been through I'm grateful. Fast forward...the organization that let me go rehired me on a part time contractual basis because of my reputation and hard work from the last place. Although I suffered a salary reduction I'm thankful to even bring home a pay check as many in America have gone without. I was unemployed for 8 months before being rehired but I had time to spend with my son and that is priceless.

When times got hard I sometimes became fearful but I had to remember that fear equates to little faith. God doesn't want me and whomever is reading this post to live in fear. He hears my cries and my prayers. I know that either a full time job will come my way or He will provide me with other ways to make ends meet like getting my books off the ground so I can be published, teach part time at a college and birth my dreams. Although some feel like I have accomplished my dreams I still have more that I would like to see happen. (Never limit your dreams).

I will end with a prayer that I wrote down in my gratitude journal:

God, I know you're my provider and counselor. When I want to talk about "sensitive areas" just remind me that you're always open to listening to me and I know you don't have a judgemental ear. Before I even ask or speak you already my heart and that its (whatever my need is or what I have dreamt about) already done.

With that being said I say thank you in advance for a full time job, thank you for my total healing of a broken heart in the past that grew into anger and that the anger be totally gone (I'm almost there God), thank you for allowing me to be able to provide for my son and thank you for those in my life that truly know me and what I'm about and know that it's just not about me.

Thank you God, it's because of your grace and mercy that I'm sane, loving, dedicated to my calling, passionate and prayerful.

As always...thank you for the daily protection over my son. Although I've been working for a few months I'm still not used to leaving him. But at the end of the day you know where my heart lay.

I love you God...and I simply say...thank you.

White Candles



Mom African Dancing in 1979



Second Mother's Day without my sweet mother and I'm surviving. One day at a time and sometimes one moment. Let peace enter your heart and begin to heal as I've done. It's so hard, but I'm getting there and for those out there that have lost their sweet mothers or other women in their lives...let the healing begin. Pull out old pictures, laugh at the sweet memories shared and smile because you had a loving mother. May peace be with you.

White Candles


White candles burn

Sweet aroma throughout my house

Vanilla, gardenia, jasmine and white rose

Cleansing as it leaves a calm that was lost months ago

Glow from the flame gives my spirit light

Ancestor’s are lifted

Flickering in the still of the night

Crackling sounds of the wick is all I hear through the dark

White candles give me peace and hope like a dove that flies through the sky

On my knees praying as I place white flowers next to the smiling faces in pictures of those lost

Remembering them through the gift of light of my burning candles

I soon reminisce about lessons learned

Mother taught me to never yearn for the dead

She said instead light beautiful white candles

Talk to those gone and they will be your listening ear

She also told me, “When I’m gone I’ll always be near to hear and guide you.”

I believe her and know that the light is shining through me as it burns

Symbolizing purity and peace

Something I never thought I would feel again or at least


For a long time to come

Simple things have helped me grieve

Although you had to leave

I will always talk to you day and night

Promising to you that one day I’ll feel joy

Calmness is building inside me

And one day…I’ll even feel as bright as the color white

My passion will be on fire again like the wick that burns

I promise you…one day…I’ll feel like those white candles

Written By: Serena T. Wills
 
Dedicated to My Sweet Mother Marguerite "Sauti" Wills May You Rest In Peace



On this Mother's Day This is Also Dedicated to All the Grandmothers, Mothers, Aunts and Women That Have Passed Away and Touched Our Lives. We Love and Miss You!

 

Copyright 2011 (All Rights Reserved)





I don't know what to name this piece...dedicated to my sister Ayana R.I.P.

I wrote this piece back in June sitting outside under the stars in Dallas, TX at a Fred Hammond concert. I was reflecting on all that I went through and how I lost my sister Ayana last September. I hope someone feels inspired after reading it. I performed this piece at an ArtLoveMagic event out here in Dallas on October 4th. Peace.

Untitled

As the warm breeze hit my face
I knew then that, “It was done.”
All my problems, burdens and inequities
Were conquered
God told me years ago
“Wait on me child and I will see everything through.”
Nights I cried wondering how bills would be paid
Days went by wondering why my sisters health was fading away
God kept telling me, “I’m coming to rescue you, walk with you to get you through.”
Watching the sun leave the sky
As the moon peered through my blinds
Still wondering how to get through
Suddenly I felt a presence
In my space
Not understanding what or where it stood
My Grandma once told me, “Chile there are times when God is in your space and you will know it when you feel Him.”
God began to work through me
Around me
All for me
Burdens were lifted
Unanswered problems resolved
Bills were paid in full
As I understood that God comes in His time
He heard my sister asking for Him
Take me with you God
For I am done
Her failed health faded away
As she went to Him
And when she left me physically
I knew then that her battle cries were no more
And her job here on earth was done
God said, “Let it be done, let her be whole and may this life be complete.”
I listened to Him
As He conquered not just my worried
Fears
Anxiety
But He also reached back and conquered Ayana’s too
As He said, “Let it be done.”

June 27, 2008

Ayana’s job is complete. God you are worthy as you continue to heal us.

Copyright 2008 Serena Wills All Rights Reserved